Ordinary Moments in Life

My father's death

2008-12-23T08:28:00.003-07:00

Two weeks ago today, my dad died in ICU at a local hospital. I feel like I'm just now starting to come out of a dense fog. It all happened so fast, and yet it seems like it was months ago. He went to see his doctor on Tuesday, December 2, with difficulty breathing. His doctor thought it might be the beginning of pneumonia so he admitting him that afternoon. Two nights later in his room, his heart rate dropped so low that they intubated him and moved him to ICU. The next day, Friday, we learned that he had non-operable, 4th stage lung cancer. He was on a breathing machine, and the doctors were becoming more convinced that he would not be able to breathe on his own. After a long weekend wondering what to do next, with Dad sedated almost the entire time, we decided to get him awake enough so we could talk with him and ask him what he wanted to do. As we thought, he did not want to be on the machine, and knowing what that would mean, he asked to come off. He died peacefully in his sleep twelve hours later on December 9th, with four of us around him. I was holding his right hand when he took his last breath.

It was all very surreal. And looking back on it all, I couldn't ask for it to have happened any other way. He didn't suffer. He didn't linger in pain. We always thought he would die from a massive heart attack (his first heart attack was in 1985), but his heart was strong all the way to the end. Family came in from out of town, and everyone had a chance to see him and say goodbye. And Mom is doing ok, too. She's keeping busy, with good days and bad days.

This was my first big loss, and already I'm seeing things differently. The death of a close, loved one has a way of putting everything else in perspective. I'm so thankful for God's peace and mercy through it all. And all the prayers from friends and family were heard and deeply felt by all of us.

Dad's passing was far from an ordinary moment in life, but it was a necessary part of life. There have been plenty of ordinary moments since December 9th, though. Watching the raindrops hit the puddles on the patio. Seeing the happy little kid running through the parking lot at the mall. Working yesterday with few distractions. Decorating the tree. Eating free bagels last night. All of these ordinary moments seem a lot more vivid now.

So, I'm reflecting a lot on life and rethinking a lot of things. If you don't see anything posted here for a while - maybe a long while - that means I'm also rethinking this whole blogging thing. My Google Reader shows 311 unread posts, but none of them seem very important right now. And a lot of what I've written in the past seems pretty unimportant, too. I'm sure I'll come out of the fog more as time passes, but for now, I'm content to spend time with my family, pray, and try to watch for how God is working around me.

Until then...

First Sunday of Advent

2008-11-30T20:24:00.004-07:00

Today begins the Advent season of anticipation and expectation of things to come. We have expectations that God will do something unexpected and wonderful in our midst. We anticipate this with hope and faith.

Come, Lord Jesus. Come.
Fill us with your Spirit.
Bring peace to our hearts and rest for our souls.
Amen.

Giving thanks

2008-11-27T10:05:00.004-07:00

There is much to be thankful for in life. And on this day of feasting and celebration, a few big things rise to the top. Today, I am very thankful for:

God - my Creator and Redeemer without whom I am nothing
My family - without them I would be lost and empty
My friends - they shape me, mold me, and make me better in ways I never imagine
My health - my annual physical last week showed I was "completely normal" - despite what my kids say about me!

So those are the big ones, but there are some others that are little more "immediate" which deserve mention:

Rain last night - a nice and rare November thunderstorm overnight was the first significant rain we've had in months
Sunshine this morning - there are still drops of rain on the plants glistening in the sunlight

And last but certainly not least, I am very thankful for:

Progress on my paper - after two full days, I'm about 75% finished! Hallelujah!

May your day be filled with joy, great food, and thanks to God who makes it all possible!

Tired and frustrated

2008-11-23T17:44:00.005-07:00

The screen hasn't changed any from last Tuesday. My research paper is still "yet to come." And I'm tired. I got home late Thursday night (again) from working in LA (again). Had class on Friday night and Saturday morning. Went to the UofA football game Saturday night. Good game but Arizona lost it in the closing minutes. Bummer...

And then we had an important meeting after our church service this morning. With our continuing financial difficulties, our leadership team has proposed that we sell our campus. This was not a complete surprise, but it's real now. Several people asked good questions about what this will mean - and nobody really knows yet. In two weeks, we'll have the official vote on whether to move forward with selling. There is no buyer yet (not the best time to try to sell anything), but the location is pretty great. And you know what they say about real estate: location, location, location! So I don't expect we'll have much difficulty once we get serious about it.

Then what?

I don't really know. I've been a proponent for selling in the past. I hate the idea of those buildings (as with most other churches) sitting idle for most of the week. Seems like such a waste. But if this is just a move to continue to be an institutional church in a different location, then will it really be any different? Our two senior leaders talked this morning about the mentality of being a start-up. And there's validity in that. But I have to wonder if our core group is really a start-up core group. We were part of a church for a while that met in a movie theater. Setting up and tearing down every Sunday morning provided a good community-building opportunity. There was a lot of energy there. I haven't really felt that in our community in a long time. I guess time will tell...

So needless to say, I have some doubts. Certainly the sale will create a lot of startup capital. But what will be the plan to maximize that capital? Will we function differently as a startup in a school auditorium or a community center or a theater? How many more people will we lose as a result of this? How many will we gain? Is this truly the path God has set before us? So many questions...

Lots of memories there. My kids were baptized there. I taught my first Sunday there. My first ministry "job" was there. My wife worked there for 5 years. Even though philosophically I agree with selling a campus we can no longer afford to maintain, this will be yet another hard transition. My wife said this morning during the meeting, fighting back some tears, that we all need to remember that church is the people, not the buildings. I couldn't agree more, but it's still hard.

Ironic timing, too. The first Sunday of Advent is next Sunday. And again, we wait for God to do something remarkable in our midst.

The Dreaded Research Paper

2008-11-18T20:57:00.003-07:00

Ok, so I've got this research paper to do for my Systematic Theology class.

Ugh.

I just cannot seem to get started.

My subject is Jurgen Moltmann's theology of the cross. I like Moltmann - I think. He strikes me as a practicing theologian, not just an academic sitting in a tower somewhere making bold theological statements.

But, man, I just cannot seem to get started.

I have an outline. I have articles. I have two of his books checked out from UofA's library.

And in the time it's taken me to get ready to write, my wife has finished like 4 papers! She's a stud. I'm a ... non-stud.

(heavy sigh)

Sorry, I just need to whine a little tonight.

Advent Conspiracy

2008-11-14T11:01:00.002-07:00

Thanks to Brad Brisco at missionalchurchnetwork.com for letting us know about adventconspiracy.com.

Veteran's Day

2008-11-11T07:50:00.002-07:00

Besides being a day to remember and reflect upon all of our nation's veterans, it's a personal thing for me. My dad is a vet (fortunately never really left a desk job), I know a lot of veterans and active military through my job, and my sister is an Army Lt. Col currently serving in San Antonio. She spent time "over there" a few years ago, setting up a hospital and caring for whoever came in the front door. I'm very proud of my sis and the service and sacrifices she's made for our country.

She came home and we'll be forever thankful for that. But I know there are plenty of other sisters and brothers, sons and daughters, wives and husbands who did not come home. And to them and their families, I pray for peace and comfort...

Arizona is going to a bowl!

2008-11-09T07:22:00.003-07:00

See, I told you it could happen:

From the Arizona Star today:

A workmanlike win over a brutal Washington State team has assured the UA (6-3 overall, 4-2 Pac-10) of its first bowl game in a decade.

Per NCAA rules, teams must win at least half their games to qualify for the postseason. Arizona has done that and — thanks to UCLA's loss to Oregon State on Saturday — is guaranteed a spot in one of the conference's seven bowl games, even if the Cats don't win another contest this year.

Ok, but let's hope they win some more before the end of regular season...

Did you know I had a blog?

2008-11-07T13:19:00.005-07:00

I must have forgotten because it's been over a month since I posted anything. Why? Good question. I'm not sure I have a great answer - or any answer at all. So instead of making something up, I'll just catch up some...

School has been challenging - for all of us! Kim is barely keeping her head above water in her MSW program. You know, being a full-time graduate student has some appeal, until I watch her and see what she's going through. Wow. As I always say, she's super-mondo-buff-woman!

For me, Systematic Theology 2 has been ... ummm ... well ... mostly dull and boring. We're covering a lot of history related to Christology, but good grief. Imagine what could have been done if all of the energy that has been spent on doctrinal debates and theological wrestling matches had been poured instead into loving God and loving our neighbors. Suffice it to say that I don't think I'll grow up to be a systematic theologian!

Watching history being made last Tuesday night was pretty cool. Regardless of who voted for whom, the fact that our country elected Obama represents, I think, a huge step toward reconciliation in our country. And, from some of the stories coming out in the last day or two, this election and presidency has enormous potential for worldwide reconciliation. I pray that this is the beginning of something extraordinary...

I'm still engaged in my spiritual practices of praying the hours (morning and evening, at least), not rushing, and walking/running. I've failed miserably, though, at maintaining any consistent study of Greek (the one practice I did not write about because it hasn't really been a practice at all!). Somehow, I need to figure out a way to make this happen...

A great missional church resource was posted yesterday...wow there's a lot of stuff there.

Arizona has a shot at a bowl game! No, really. It might happen. Just don't tell the team. They might choke...

Ok, back to homework. Thanks for reminding me that I had a blog...

The Forgotten Ways - Part 3

2008-10-05T08:45:00.003-07:00

The second element of mDNA that Hirsch describes in The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church was a little surprising and unexpected for me, but it makes perfect sense. That element is disciple-making. Immediately behind the first element of being firmly centered on Christ (christocentric monotheism) is the focus on discipleship. Without this, everything else teeters on failure. In fact, Hirsch cites a painful story from his past about what happened in a previous church when they neglected discipleship.

According to Hirsch, one of the biggest obstacles to true discipleship is the consumer mentality prevalent in the Western world today. It has invaded all arenas of life, including the church. He writes,

Ninety percent or more of the people who attend our services are passive. In other words, they are consumptive. They are the passive recipients of the religious goods and services being delivered largely by professionals in a slick presentation and service. Just about everything we do in these somwhat standardized services and "box churchs," we do in order to attract more participants, and to do this we need to make the experience of church more convenient and comfortable. It is the ultimate religious version of one-stop shopping - hassle-free. But alas, all we are achieving by doing this is adding more fuel to the insatiable consumerist flame.
- Hirsch, 110.

These words sound a little harsh to me, and I'm guessing his 90% figure is a guess based on his experience and not hard data, but I think he is making a valid point in general.

I had a great conversation this past week with a friend about church gatherings. If "the church" is a missional community, or even a collective of missional communities, then what should gatherings look like or be about? Corporate worship, mutual encouragement, sharing, teaching? I think this is a big question for missional churches today. In other words, how can a missional church still gather together regularly (although not necessarily weekly) and yet keep the focus and emphasis on its mission and not the gathering? Because once the gathering becomes the focus, we are back in the attractional paradigm.

Hirsch would say (I think) that we must maintain an emphasis on discipleship - discipleship that follows the model that Jesus gave us. He continues by saying,

And this is exactly how Jesus does discipleship: he organizes it around mission. As soon as they are called, he takes the disciples on an adventurous journey of mission, ministry, and learning. Straightaway they are involved in proclaiming the kingdom of God, serving the poor, healing, and casting out demons. It is active and direct disciple making in the context of mission.
- Hirsch, 120

Hirsch is convinced we cannot disciple people or become disciples ourselves by passive listening and learning. We must be engaged in the process, actively working out what it means to follow Jesus as his disciples in everyday life. "I simply do not believe we can continue to try and think our way into a new way of acting, but rather, we need to act our way into a new way of thinking" (p. 122).

The Forgotten Ways - Part 2

2008-10-03T07:19:00.004-07:00

A while back, I mentioned that I had started reading The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church by Alan Hirsch. Well, I'm finally getting back around to trying to finish it after many diversions over the past month or so. My neglect in finishing it certainly has nothing to do with the book - it's a phenomenal read. Which is why I wanted to say a little more about it here.

In section 2 (the main part of the book), Hirsch tackles in more detail what he believes is the engine behind some of the tremendous Jesus movements throughout history. Through his research, he has identified six elements that are common in these movements - what he calls the missionalDNA (mDNA) that is inherently present within the church. The full aggregation of mDNA composes what he calls Apostolic Genius, the "phenomenon resulting from...real experiences of God, types of expression, organizational structures, leadership ethos, spiritual power, mode of belief, etc" (pg 78). But before he gets too far, he spends a little time talking about what he means exactly by the term missional. While recognizing that mission and missional have been somewhat overused and misused, he can't seem to bring himself to simply dismissing the terms in the hopes of better descriptors. Instead, he wants to readdress them and pack them with deeper meaning. He says,

...in my opinion it [the term missional] goes to the heart of the very nature and purpose of the church itself. So, a working definition of missional church is a community of God's people that defines itself, and organizes its life around, its real purpose of being an agent of God's mission to the world. In other words, the church's true and authentic organizing principle is mission.
- Hirsch, 82 (emphasis mine)

Then he sets out to describe those six common elements present in mDNA. The first is what he calls a christocentric monotheism - expressed simply in the statement, "Jesus is Lord." In other words, whatever form a church takes, this is the foundation - the heart of the matter. A church can never become that agent of God's mission to the world without first and foremost being centered on Christ. Hirsch writes,

What does all this practically mean for those seeking to recover Apostolic Genius in the life of the community of God? For one, it will involve (re)engaging directly the central confession of "Jesus is Lord" and attempting to reorient the church around this life-orienting claim...I have become absolutely convinced that it is Christology, and in particular the primitive, unencumbered Christology of the NT church, that lies at the heart of the renewal of the church at all times and in every age.
- Hirsch, 99

I couldn't agree more. More to come in future posts...

Fall quarter is just around the corner

2008-09-18T18:58:00.003-07:00

My books came today for my class this fall: Systematic Theology 2: Christology and Soteriology. I'm looking forward to getting started again after having the summer off, but these books look serious:

A great quote

2008-09-16T21:10:00.002-07:00

This quote is at the end of Len's post I referred to earlier. I need to read this often. How about you?

“The cliff edge of our anxiety about the future may indicate that God is calling us to a new and different level of faith. When we walk, praying for guidance, to the edge of all the light we have and breathlessly take the first step into the foggy mystery of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen: either God will provide us with something rock-solid to land on and stand on, or he will teach us how to fly.” The Crime of Living Cautiously, 137

The Challenge of Large Churches

2008-09-16T20:45:00.002-07:00

This is a great post about some of the pitfalls of large churches...it's a little long but worth it. Thanks Len!

The Agony of Defeat

2008-09-14T21:20:00.005-07:00

Today, Sunday, September 14, 2008, at approximately 5:00pm on the North Ranch Community Tennis Courts, my friend, Kevin, beat me for the first time by a score of 6-4.

I was defeated.

There will be no living with him now...

Unexpected divergence

2008-09-13T13:39:00.006-07:00

I realized something this morning as I was walking. It seems like the closer I get to God these days, the farther away I feel from my church. What is up with that?

Certainly it's a combination of internal changes in my own heart plus changes in our community. Here's one very recent example. Last Sunday, about 15 minutes before the service began and I was to speak, I heard something which really caught me off-guard. I pushed it aside in the moment to focus on the service, but that afternoon it resurfaced in my mind and turned me a little upside-down. Then I had lunch with one of our two senior pastors on Monday to make sure I had heard correctly and, if so, to express my concern. And, yes, I heard correctly. And, no, nothing would likely be done about it. And, yes, it's a big deal for me. He understood my concern and validated my feelings about it. Then we talked about living in that kind of tension when we don't agree with each other or decisions that are made. And about how that is one of the things we are striving for in our church. Living in the tension. Even if it's over values - not just theology or philosophy or ministry.

Ok, so pause that for a minute and let's go back to the whole missional/attractional church thing. Our church is very much an attractional church - meaning, we put a lot of energy into trying to get people to come to our Sunday morning service. In fact, I would say that most of our resources (time, money, effort) go towards pulling off a great Sunday service. And often we do. Beyond that, we offer serving opportunities for people to get involved either in our church or in the broader Tucson community. But that is sparse, at best. Now please don't hear me wrong. I am not bashing the attractional church paradigm. I grew up in this paradigm!

In a missional church, though, service to the community is not a ministry of the church or a program of the church. It is the church. Everything is focused and expressed through being a missional movement in the larger community. Emphasis is placed on the church going out instead of trying to get others to come in. In my opinion, the two paradigms are 180 degrees apart. And for me, as I've said before, I'm having more and more difficulty seeing church any other way than as a missional movement of people loving God and loving their neighbors.

So as I wonder what that kind of missional church might look like and how it would operate, I often struggle with what church gatherings should be. Should a missional church still meet every Sunday? And if so, for what purpose? And I often think that, for a missional church that is living, working, and playing in it's mission field, a regular gathering should be a type of break or time-out. It should be a time of refreshment, encouragement, rest. A time when we would come together to talk, laugh, cry, share, support, reflect, celebrate and get ready for whatever comes next. But a time of tension? No, I don't think so. There's already enough tension in life. Tension at work, at home, at school, and in relationships. Tension caused by hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, sickness, and death.

As I think about my church trying to foster an environment of differences, to celebrate those differences, and to live in the tension of disagreements - even over big things - I'm beginning to ask myself this simple question: Why? For what purpose?

Again, please don't hear something I'm not saying. I'm not saying we should be a Stepford church where everybody acts the same, thinks the same, or does the same thing. How boring would that be? There will always be differences. But, shouldn't there be some common ground, some common values, some common mission that brings us together and moves us forward?

When I consider what areas in my life are causing me the most stress, the most tension, the answer is clear: my church. How do I celebrate that? What am I missing in all of this?

September 11

2008-09-11T19:27:00.002-07:00

I got to work early that day, after listening to a CD all the way there. When I walked in to a mostly empty office area, one of my co-workers stood up and asked me - I'll never forget his words - "Are we safe here?" I had no idea what he was talking about, but soon learned of what was unfolding. Working for a defense contractor who builds and stores missiles for the US Government, his question began to make sense.

I remember trying to get some work done, but spent most of the morning huddled with others in shock around a small TV in a break area. I left early and spent the evening hugging my family as we watched our country being changed forever.

I've been to Ground Zero twice since then. The first time was...well, let's just say we cried a lot. The second time (about 9 months ago) was better. Now it looks mostly like a construction site. But I was still filled with feelings of loss and sadness.

We will never forget.

Made it through

2008-09-07T15:46:00.003-07:00

The service went well this morning. I don't want to say anything about riding a bicycle because that would sound very cliche-ish. But, I was relaxed and only had to refer to my notes a handful of times (I've been working on reducing my dependence on my notes.) Thank you, God.

However, I need to think a lot (still) about doing this again. I really struggled with getting this ready. Not because of the subject, but because of changes internally. I love talking about the Psalms, especially about praying the psalms. But my motivation level to prepare a sermon was pretty low, and I had over a month to prepare! Therefore, it was not very sermon-like. I'm just not sure anymore if this is what I should be doing, or if this is where I should be doing it - whatever "it" is.

In the meantime, I feel closer to God than I have in a long time. My morning walks (almost every day now, interspersed with some jogging) have become very special times. I'm reading The Divine Hours every morning and evening and praying the psalms. I have begun to look forward to these times of walking and praying much more than I would have ever anticipated. They are definitely putting me in a place where God can transform me, as Richard Foster writes.

I have no idea where God is leading me through all of this, but that's ok.

I'll find out along the way...

Catching up

2008-09-03T20:56:00.004-07:00

A lot has been happening lately, and, in all honesty, I just haven't felt like taking the time to write. But the mood hit me tonight, so here's a recap of the past several days.

Mom spent a couple of days in the hospital this past weekend. She had some sort of intestinal issue which really knocked her down. But she came home Monday and is doing much better.

Besides that, our long holiday weekend was good. On Friday I purchased the most awesome car stereo in the world for my zoom-zoom! It plays MP3/WMA CDs, and has an aux port for MP3 players, built-in iPod controls, and a USB port. So for $30, I bought an 8GB thumb drive and now I can listen to pretty much my entire library of music in the car! (This was an early birthday present for me after my factory car stereo decided to eat a CD on Thursday.)

Kim and I almost made it to the first Arizona football game of the season on Saturday. After the game was delayed for an hour due to lightning, and then the call from Mom at urgent care, we called it a night. Arizona won 70-0 over Idaho, so it wasn't much of a game anyway. Yeah, 70 to nothing!

We spent Sunday afternoon with our best friends at their house, eating, drinking, and watching our kids play. It was great fun and very relaxing.

I've been busy preparing to speak this Sunday at church. I'm going to talk about praying the Psalms (a favorite subject of mine) while praying that God will give me the words to say! It's been almost two years since I taught, and I've had more than a little difficulty preparing for this one. In hindsight, I was not ready to do this again, given everything that has happened in these two years and where my journey is taking me. But, by God's grace, we'll make it through.

Now it's time to try to catch up on some sleep...

Walking Images

2008-08-26T06:32:00.003-07:00

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love... more

Surprised and Forgotten

2008-08-18T19:30:00.008-07:00

One of the advantages of not taking a class this summer was getting to choose which books I would read. I finished a really good one this past Saturday and started one yesterday which may end up on my best list.

The book I just finished is Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright. This is the fourth book of Wright's that I have read and he has quickly become one of my favorite theologians and authors. This particular book (with the subtitle Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church) was much more than I expected, even though much of this material Wright (by his own admission) has written about in other books in more detail.

One of the things I loved about Wright in this work was his continual reference to Scripture. I don't mean he quotes verses in every paragraph. Instead, he lays out different historical perspectives and beliefs on heaven, resurrection, and mission. Then, he will say something like, "Now let's go see what the bible actually says." Sure, he's coming at Scripture from a certain perspective - just like the rest of us. But he makes some very compelling arguments based on how he reads the bible. It was challenging, fascinating, and inspiring. If you really want to be surprised by hope, read this book!

The book I just started is The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church by Alan Hirsch. Hirsch is one of the leaders in the emerging missional church (EMC) movement today. The first book of his that I read was The Shaping of Things to Come: Mission and Innovation for the 21st Century Church, co-written with Michael Frost (Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture), and it sits on my all-time best list. That first book, combined with some Fuller classes at the time and personal experiences over the years, ignited a passion in me to be part of a missional community. As I've said in other posts, with each passing day I have a harder time envisioning "church" in any other way. This is a growing challenge for me in my current non-missional church, but I digress...

I'm only about 70 pages into it so far, but already several things stand out. Hirsch poses a question near the beginning of the book which drove much of his content. He points out that around AD 100, there were as few as 25,000 Christians. Merely 200 years later, before Constantine declared Christianity as the religion of the Roman Empire, that number had grown to something like 20 million. So his question is simple: how did they do that? I expect much of the book will be trying to answer that question.

Another thing that caught my attention was a footnote on page 45, where he is writing about the decline of the Western church. He writes, "In fact, the church is on the decline right across the Western world, and we have had at least forty years of church-growth principles and practice." The footnote then explains:

In a dialogue between Michael Frost, many members of the faculty of Fuller's School of World Missions, and me, it was generally acknowledged by all there that church growth theory had, by and large, failed to reverse the church's decline in America and was therefore something of a failed experiment. The fact remains that more than four decades of church growth principles and practice has not halted the decline of the church in Western contexts.

As a Fuller student, I was pleased to read this. I was a little surprised, also, because Fuller has emphasized church growth and missions for a long time. But I was happy to read that at least some at Fuller are recognizing that perhaps we need something new.

More to come from this book...

It's official: I'm old(er)

2008-08-16T17:00:00.003-07:00

I made a purchase yesterday.
One of those milestone purchases.
One of those things that comes with an increase in age.

It was driven by one of the things I love to do. Yet, I have been resistant for some time. Today I purchased three more. Just so I can have one in multiple places when needed. And, they work.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Reading glasses.

1.25 power.

They help. Alot.

So, it's official. I'm old(er).

There, I said it.

Walking Images

2008-08-15T08:20:00.004-07:00

The heavens declare the glory of God... more

Still here

2008-08-13T20:26:00.002-07:00

My son mentioned tonight that I hadn't written anything for a while. He said that if he didn't know better, he would think that maybe something was wrong. But since he sees me every day, he knows I'm ok.

So, just in case you don't see me every day, I'm ok. I just haven't had much to say lately.

No biggie.
Just chillaxing.

How's it going for you?

Walking Images - SoCal

2008-08-08T09:14:00.003-07:00

"See how the lilies of the field grow..." more

Walking Images - SoCal

2008-08-05T21:35:00.003-07:00

I'm back in Southern California this week, staying near the Channel Islands Harbor in Oxnard. It was a cool, still morning around the harbor:

Walking Images

2008-08-03T08:50:00.002-07:00

A rare morning storm brewing in the southwestern sky

A nice rhythm

2008-08-02T09:45:00.003-07:00

Steady. That's a good word for life over these past couple of weeks. Which is not a bad thing. Work has been busy, but it's nice to not be able to bring any home. I wake up, read the morning office from the Divine Hours, head to work for 9 or 10 hours, come home and spend time with my family, and read the night office before going to sleep. Some people might consider this a rut. I call it a nice rhythm.

The kids start school next Thursday, Kim starts on the 25th, and I don't start until late September. So we've had time to just be together. Robert wraps up band camp today, so we're going to see their first performance of the year in a few minutes. Carolyn is very excited about school starting, and Kim is trying to finish all her summer projects before she starts.

Me, I'm just hanging. We talked with a good friend yesterday, and he called it, "a time of refreshment." He's in one, too. Sometimes I think I should be doing more, be more involved. But, my heart tells me that this is where I should be right now - a season of rest. A season of waiting. A season of wondering and dreaming. It won't last forever, so for now, I'm not rushing it. Sure, when school starts for everyone, we'll all be thrown back into some time crunches. But, as a family, that is our season. And it's good.

A New Beginning...

2008-07-27T12:13:00.004-07:00

Yesterday was a big day for my son, Robert. For his 16th birthday, we gave him an hour-long, private airplane ride where he could sit in the front and see what it was really like. He's been talking about flying for some time now, and we thought this would be a very special time for him. And it was!

He, Kim, and I went up yesterday morning with Seth and Ashley in Seth's grandmother's Bonanza. Wow, was that cool! It was so smooth, and we got to see some pretty incredible sights. But the best sight of all was Robert's face as he flew for a little while. Somehow I have the feeling that yesterday will the first of many flights for him.

Here are a few of the best shots:

Robert and the Bonanza

Pusch Ridge right outside the window

He even looks like a pilot

Over the town of Summerhaven on Mt. Lemmon

The UofA telescopes on Mt. Lemmon

Wow

That smile says it all

Two down, one to go!

2008-07-20T09:19:00.003-07:00

Yay! My wife and daughter are back home! Robert comes home tomorrow night, and then all will be right again in our house. I think Lilly missed them more than I did:

Walking Images

2008-07-20T09:15:00.004-07:00

Remnants of the storm last night on one of the walking paths I take:

Walking Images

2008-07-19T10:30:00.002-07:00

The rangers are blooming - monsoons are coming!

Prayer for the week

2008-07-19T06:39:00.001-07:00

From The Divine Hours:

O God, you have taught me to keep all your commandments by loving you and my neighbor: Grant me the grace of your Holy Spirit, that I may be devoted to you with my whole heart, and united to others with pure affection; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Random thoughts on Friday

2008-07-18T11:15:00.002-07:00

I'm at my local Bruegger's where I just finished a Very Veggie and Cheddar, with bacon (of course), on a toasted everything bagel. My tummy is very happy...

I'm missing my family - a lot! Kim and Carolyn come home tomorrow night, Robert on Monday night. It's not soon enough.
It's very hot today (whine, whine)
This morning I fixed a broken section of roof tile on our house. That was a first. We'll see how it holds when the next storm hits.
My car needs to be washed, but it's too hot (whine, whine)
Can't wait to see the new Batman movie. I have to wait for Robert, though.
Heard about a new Terminator movie (thanks, Jeremy!). Christian Bale is on a roll.
Just finished re-reading Nouwen's short The Way of the Heart. Solitude, silence, and prayer - practices learned from the Desert Fathers and Mothers applied to contemporary ministry. Beautiful...
I missed my walk this morning, because I was working on the roof - and it was hot (whine, whine)...maybe tonight...

So many blogs, so little time

2008-07-18T11:05:00.002-07:00

I just spent the last hour and a half "cleaning up" my Google reader page where I had nearly 200 unread posts from my subscribed feeds.

Hmmm... that seems a little much, don't you think?

I'd love to have more time where I could read all of these, but that's just too much. So, I've trimmed my feeds and will try to do better at reading a little each day instead of a lot on one day of the week. Maybe I'll be more successful with that strategy. And how do some of these people have the time to write as much as they do? I mean, that's great for readers, but, truly, how do they do it? They have obviously been through some incredibly successful time management program about which I know nothing! Oh well, I better check my page again. There's probably 2 or 3 new posts since I've been writing this...

16 years ago

2008-07-16T07:56:00.003-07:00

My son, Robert, turns 16 today! Wow. How did that happen so fast? I can still remember bringing him home from the hospital, carrying him in his car seat into the living room, sitting him on the floor, and having this incredible feeling of, "What now?" Our German shepherd and golden lab took a liking to him right away, and then we just sort of knew that everything would be ok.

I'm so proud of the young man he has become. It's really cool to watch your child becoming an adult, watching his interactions with other adults, his reasoning about important things in life, his unique qualities that make him stand out as an individual while being part of his generation.

Happy birthday, buddy. I love you very much and hope your day is filled with wonder, anticipation, and lots of food!

Birthday Blessings the Week

2008-07-13T14:00:00.005-07:00

Three people who are very near and dear to me have birthdays this week: Kevin (Monday), Keith (Tuesday), and Robert (Wednesday). I found this blessing in To Bless the Space Between Us by John O'Donohue which seems appropriate for birthdays:

May you recognize in your life the presence,
power, and light of your soul.

May you realize that you are never alone,
that your soul in its brightness and belonging
connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe.

May you have respect for your individuality and difference.

May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,
that you have a special destiny here,
that behind the facade of your life
there is something beautiful and eternal happening.

May you learn to see your self
with the same delight,
pride, and expectation
with which God sees you in every moment.

Walking Images

2008-07-13T13:38:00.001-07:00

From my morning walk:

Threatening skies over Oro Valley

It certainly does

Spiritual Practices - 3. Walking

2008-07-12T07:54:00.005-07:00

Summary: I decided there was no better time to write about walking as a spiritual practice than right after I had walked. I just went for about an hour here in Phoenix, where we have spent the past couple of days relaxing before the rest of my family leaves me for a week. Kim and Carolyn flew this morning (before the walk) to San Antonio to visit my sister for a week. And Robert flies to San Diego this afternoon to visit Kim's brother for 10 days. And me? I get a week by myself at home. I'm not sure that's ever happened before...

Anyway, back to walking. I started walking somewhat regularly about 2 years ago, primarily as a means to recovery from a severely sprained ankle. During that time, I began to really enjoy walking just for the sake of walking. Then I started doing it more frequently. Then I started doing it on trips and vacations. Now I try to get out as often as I can - which, in the Arizona summer is a little harder to do, but not impossible if I stick to mornings. Somewhere along the way, I began to spend the time focusing on God and creation. I ask God questions. I argue with God. Sometimes I think about what I have to do that day. Sometimes I reflect on the previous day. Sometimes I'm just thankful for being able to walk and enjoy creation. Every time, though, I return refreshed and energized.

Reasons: For me, there is something special about being outside (especially in the mountains) and connecting with God. Less distractions and less noise help a lot. Some people can "get away" without ever leaving their living room or study. That's harder for me. I find that getting out and walking allows my mind and heart to become quiet and open. Whenever I get really mad, I take a walk, too, for the same reasons. It gives me space to breathe and to settle down. So, unintentionally, walking has become truly a spiritual practice for me.

Where I'm doing well: I almost exclusively walk in the mornings, as soon as I get up. Therefore, on days when I have extra time (weekends, days off, vacations), I'm much better about getting up and going, and going longer. On our recent cruise, I walked on the ship every morning but two.

Where I need more work: It's harder to do this on work days, because I usually leave for work around 6:30. If I wanted to walk for an hour, that would mean getting up around 5:00. And that's just not right. So, walking on work days is a real struggle. Occasionally I've walked during my lunch break, but you really can't do that in the summer here without suffering from heat stroke and severe dehydration.

Next steps: If trying to walk on work days continues to be a struggle, I really need to make sure I get out on all my days off and the weekends. Sometimes I'm just lazy and don't want to go. But I need to remind myself and remember how much this helps to get the day off to a good start, centered on God and the beauty of creation.

In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. - John Muir

When was the last time you got outside, walked, and enjoyed God's creation?

Spiritual Practices - 2. Praying the Hours

2008-07-09T19:23:00.004-07:00

Summary: This is one of those practices that has been on-again, off-again for me over the past couple of years. When I have engaged in this practice, I have enjoyed it very much and found myself much more focused on God throughout the day. So I am motivated to begin this (again) and to try my best to stick with it longer this time.

"Praying the hours" is the spiritual practice of praying set prayers at certain fixed times during the day. Sometimes it's called "praying the offices" or "fixed-hour prayer" or "the divine office." The tradition goes back to the early days of Judaism, but has been largely lost in Protestant circles. Within the larger sphere of Christianity, there are several "manuals" containing prayers for morning, midday, afternoon, evening, and so forth. One of the more common ones is the Book of Common Prayer. This book is handed down from the Church of England and is used principally in the Anglican and Episcopal communities. Another very user-friendly manual is the 3-volume set called The Divine Hours, compiled by Phyllis Tickle. There is also on online version of these volumes, and I have found both the print and electronic versions to be very easy to use. Two things which are common among them all are the Lord's Prayer and the Psalms. If you've never tried this practice, I highly recommend picking up one of the volumes of The Divine Hours (each volume covers a certain time of the year) and giving it a try. Each of the volumes has an introduction which covers some of the history and tradition behind praying the hours. Also, Scot McKnight's Praying with the Church, which I just finished reading, gives an excellent introduction to this practice.

Reasons: In his book, Scot McKnight gives many good examples and reasons for praying the hours. For me, though, a lot of it comes down to trying to organize my days around prayer instead of everything else that comes along. When I have done this in the past, my routine went something like this. I would wake up and get ready for the day. Somewhere during that process, I would pause and read the morning prayers for the day. Typically something would be especially meaningful, and I would try to reflect on that throughout the morning. Around lunch time, I would read the midday prayers. On work days, I would access one of the online versions from my computer. Again, I would usually find something to reflect on during the afternoon. Then in the evening, I would read the evening or compline prayers for the day, usually just before going to bed. I would then try to fall asleep praying the Lord's Prayer. So, in a very real sense, praying the hours helped me develop a daily rhythm of prayer and my days became ordered around these prayers.

Where I'm doing well: Basically, I'm not doing well on this one. I haven't practiced this regularly for some time now. But reading McKnight's book has inspired me to begin again! Historically, I have done better on weekdays, when my days are already somewhat ordered around work.

Where I need more work: Getting started, for one thing. And the weekends. My weekends tend to be very unordered, so continuing this on off-days, vacations, and holidays will take some extra discipline. But I'm pretty sure that if I can do this for 40-60 days, I will be hooked.

Next steps: Get the summer volume of The Divine Hours and just get started! Also, get a smaller version (perhaps Merton's Book of Hours) to take with me on trips.

If someone were to ask me today about my prayer life, I would have to confess, "It's not very good right now." My hope is that this practice will become one of the staples in my life and that these times with God, praying with the words of all those who have gone before me, will deepen my bond and love for God. How about you?

Missional vs. Emerging

2008-07-07T20:46:00.002-07:00

Recently there has been a lot of conversation around the topic of missional vs. emergent/ing churches. A missional synchroblog was hosted last month by The Blind Beggar, which triggered many great posts and discussions about the differences between what people consider to be missional communities and the emerging church. I have only barely started reading some of the posts, but I would encourage anyone who feels part of either or both, or if you're just curious about what all the fuss is about, to spend some time reading these. Start here and follow the links.

In particular, I wanted to re-post part of Alan Hirsch's contribution to the conversation. In this post, he describes his view of being missional, taken from his recent book, The Forgotten Ways:

Missional church is a community of God’s people that defines itself, and organizes its life around, its real purpose of being an agent of God’s mission to the world. In other words, the church’s true and authentic organizing principle is mission. When the church is in mission, it is the true church. The church itself is not only a product of that mission but is obligated and destined to extend it by whatever means possible. The mission of God flows directly through every believer and every community of faith that adheres to Jesus. To obstruct this is to block God’s purposes in and through his people. [82]

He continues by writing:

In my opinion what is expressed through Emergent, the Alt-Worship movement, and what has been called Post-Evangelicalism, is not by-and-large a missionary movement, but is rather what I would call a renewal movement. That is, as far as I can discern, its primary concerns lie largely in interpreting theology and worship for the post-modern situation.

I think he is absolutely right on. Thank you, Alan, for stating so succinctly what (I believe) is the key aspect of being "missional" and the main difference between "missional" and "emerging." I am reminded of the quote from Alan's and Michael Frost's book, The Shaping of Things to Come:

Christology determines missiology, and missiology determines ecclesiology. (p. 16)

The more I read, the more I pray, the more I search for direction from God, the clearer and clearer this becomes to me. Perhaps that is why Exiles, Frost's latest book, seemed to capture my current place on my journey so well...

Spiritual Practices - 1. Not Rushing

2008-07-06T21:11:00.007-07:00

Summary: I chose to write about this one first because it is my most consistent spiritual practice. I have been "not rushing" for several years now. In fact, I can't even point to an actual beginning or reason behind this change of habit. And, until recently, I probably would not have considered this a spiritual practice, but indeed it is precisely that. To me, "not rushing" means the following: leaving early to arrive somewhere early, not cramming so much into my days to where I feel like I have to finish one thing as fast as I can to get on to the next, walking slowly, and driving slowly.

Reasons: By not rushing, I allow myself the time to notice things along the way. When I am thrust into moments of rushing, I find myself forgetting things, becoming very anxious, and turning quite grumpy. In fact, I have reached the point where if I have to rush to get somewhere, I would prefer not to go at all or reschedule. I am fortunate in that I have never had an issue with high blood pressure. But when I begin to rush, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

So this practice provides physical, mental, and emotional benefits. Primarily, though, maintaining this practice is about staying aware of God and the people around me. If I am rushing, I become concerned with only one thing: getting to where I'm going or getting done. One of the recent aspects of this practice which is still a growing edge for me is speeding when I drive. Thanks to a very sincere and motivational teacher at my defensive driving class a few months ago, I made a sort of solemn vow to stop speeding. So I don't. Period. Not only has my anxiety level lowered even further when I'm behind the wheel, but I have gained a 10% increase in gas mileage. And it's not taking me any longer (really) to get around town. Plus, I've really noticed how much people speed. Wow. Try it for a week and see how many people pass you doing 5, 10, or 15 mph over the limit. Just be sure to stay in the right lane as much as possible!

Where I'm doing well:

Driving: Like I said before, I don't speed anymore.
Scheduling things: This has taken a lot of effort, and it is still difficult when other people are involved with activities. But, I purposely and unapologetically do not try to completely fill my schedule every day. This gives me time to rest throughout the day, as well.

Where I need more work:

Eating: I still eat like the food is going to jump off my plate if I don't consume it rapidly.

Next steps:

Remain consistent with my new driving habits.
Do not let others - who are rushing - pull me into their "rush traps!"
Work on eating more slowly to savor every taste.
"Take more time, cover less ground" - Thomas Merton

So how are you doing at not rushing through life?

Spiritual Practices - A Beginning, Part 2

2008-07-02T21:46:00.004-07:00

I suppose before I discuss specific spiritual practices I should discuss spiritual practices in general. When I talk about spiritual practices, I mean activities in which we regularly engage to help us draw closer to God and increase our awareness of God. In other words, these practices are intended to help give us eyes to see and ears to hear. With this broad description, I think just about anything could be considered a spiritual practice if it brings us closer to God. And isn't this how life should be? A life filled with God's presence. Brother Lawrence referred to this as "The Practice of the Presence of God." I would call it living in the Kingdom of Heaven.

What do you think?

Spiritual Practices - A Beginning

2008-06-30T19:32:00.004-07:00

A few years ago, I read these words from Richard Foster:

God has given us the Disciplines of the spiritual life as a means of receiving his grace. The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us...By themselves the Spiritual Disciplines can do nothing; they can only get us to the place where something can be done. They are God's means of grace.
- Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline, p. 7

I continued to read Celebration of Discipline with an immense hunger to put Foster's practices into place in my life and be transformed by God's grace. I started. And I failed. And I started again. And I failed again. And again. And again. And again.

Foster wrote so beautifully about meditation, solitude, fasting, service, prayer, submission, and confession. I wanted to engage in all of these disciplines. But I struggled and felt like I wasn't good enough. I couldn't hack it. Maybe I wasn't a Christian after all.

Since then, I have learned two valuable lessons about spiritual practices. The first is this: there are many, many ways to "get us to the place where something can be done." Certainly the "classical" practices - such as those described by Foster and many others - are not the only ways to deepen our relationship with God. Without a doubt, they are good ways, but not the only ways. And the second is this: don't be so hard on myself. Over the years, I have engaged in different spiritual practices. Some I actually stuck with for longer that 3 days! Others were, well, more difficult. And that's ok. I think one of the most valuable spiritual practices is seeking spiritual practices!

So, I am embarking on a series of writings here to discuss some of the spiritual practices I have adopted and strive to maintain. I also want to discuss a few I plan to begin and hope to continue. For my very small but dedicated group of blog readers (all four of you!), I hope you will be encouraged by these posts to seek your own practices. For me, these posts will be a type of accountability system - especially for the new practices I want to start. And, it has been obvious to me over these past months (especially this past week) that I need to cultivate some new ground in my heart for God to work. "Cultivate" may be too nice of a word. I need to rip out some weeds, turn the ground over, till it under, dump weed-killer all over it, and pray that God will seed some new life into me. I need that. Badly.

In one sense, this blog is a spiritual practice for me. As I sit down to write, I reflect on recent days in my life and times in which I sensed God. Writing is a way to stop, reflect, remember, and celebrate. It helps me to remain present to God and others in the ordinary moments of life.

I hope you will read along with me and comment on what you like, don't like, agree with, or disagree with. Let's walk together and "place ourselves before God so that he can transform us."

Slowly coming back to reality

2008-06-26T19:40:00.005-07:00

We are back from vacation and beginning to re-engage with the regular world. The cruise was terrific - the trip home was not. After flight cancellations, delays, and finally a flight to Las Vegas followed by a drive home in a rental car, we made it home two days later than planned. Now I need another vacation to de-stress after that ordeal. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that JetBlue is now on the "won't do that again" list.

But New York was awesome, and we had a lot of fun on the cruise with our friends and at the ports. We took a small boat tour in Bermuda and the kids snorkeled. We zip-lined in Puerto Rico (yay!), shopped in St. Thomas, and splashed in the ocean on Grand Turk. We also experienced quite the rainstorm at sea and watched with a little apprehension as our balcony filled with water. But it never came into the cabin, so everything was ok. The food was, of course, plentiful and very tasty. I'll be paying for that for a while. But it's good to be home.

A very small sampling of pictures we snapped:

Top of the Rock in Manhattan

Little pink houses in Bermuda

Carolyn on deck

Kids being goofy at dinner

San Juan, Puerto Rico, at night under a full moon

View of St. Thomas from Paradise Point

Getting off the ship in Grand Turk

Off to the Caribbean

2008-06-10T20:27:00.003-07:00

It's here at last.

Tomorrow we leave for New York where we will spend a busy Thursday followed by going aboard our cruise ship on Friday headed to the Caribbean for 9 days! Ahhh...let the endless buffet begin!

So we will be completely offline for the next 11 days. No computer. No pagers. No cell phones (once we leave New York, that is). Just each other and our best friends. Reading. Sleeping. Eating. Drinking. Relaxing. Playing games. Enjoying God's beautiful creation.

Signing out...

22 years of marriage

2008-06-08T08:34:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was a great day. After sleeping in until 9:00 (unheard of), I got up, made breakfast for the kids, and then Carolyn and I went shopping for several hours. I needed to pick up a few things before our trip this week. We had just the best time. I love days like that with her. If the day had ended then, it would have been a great day. But to top it off, Kim and I went to dinner with some friends to celebrate her graduation and 22 years of marriage. We had such a good time at Blanco Tacos and Tequila, enjoying - what else? - tacos and tequila. A little Starbucks on the way home, a little conversation on the patio, and the day ended in near perfection. It doesn't get any better than that, and my heart is filled with gratitude and joy.

Done with Greek (the class, that is)

2008-06-04T05:20:00.003-07:00

Ahhhhh.....

Can you feel it? The lightness of step. The carefree look to the horizon. The wind at your back. The whistle on your lips. The smile at rush-hour traffic. The emptiness of thought.

Three quarters, 30 weeks - all done! The final wasn't too bad, and I am so glad it's finished. This last weekend did me in, so I was ready to put my lexicon and grammar on the "courses finished" book shelf.

Now, I have to figure out ways to keep all of it from completely leaving my memory. I know some (ok, maybe a lot) will, but I've already purchased this and this to help. In fact, one of my upcoming new spiritual practices (which I'm going to write about in the near future) is continuing to expand my knowledge of the language so that I can read the NT in Greek.

I'm so glad I decided to take this 3-quarter series. I had difficulty deciding to spend three of my nine electives on a language, especially without knowing what lay ahead of me after this degree. And to be perfectly honest, the overriding initial reason was to meet a language requirement in most doctoral programs - something I'm considering in the distant future. But once we started, and especially in this last quarter where so much came together in our translations, I got hooked. Besides, I met and became friends with four great people in the class!

Greek is a beautiful language, and it's filled with subtlety which is often hard to translate into English. So, I now completely agree with what I had heard from several people and seminaries: if you really want to study the New Testament, do so in Greek. For old(er) dogs like me, it can be trying to learn another language - but it's worth it!

A beautiful Sunday morning

2008-06-01T08:42:00.002-07:00

It's hard to believe that today is the first day of June. Hard to believe, because, it really has not been hot (yet). We had an unbelievably spring-like May, and even on my walk this morning, the air was cool. No complaints...because I know it's coming. Maybe it will wait until we leave for vacation before it really arrives.

Random thoughts this morning:

Greek final is Tuesday night - lots of studying still ahead
Had a wonderful dinner last night with my fellow Greek students at our instructor's home - I'm going to miss them all...
Thinking about spiritual practices a lot lately - my lack of them and my goals to turn that around this summer (watch for more on that)
Solar spotlights on our water fall in the backyard are nice and bright - solar is getting better every day!
We leave for our cruise in 10 days!

Well that was unexpected

2008-05-26T21:03:00.005-07:00

We've done the Pinetop Memorial Day weekend trip now for 13 years. We've had hot weather. We've had cold weather. We've had thunderstorms. We've even had a hail storm. But, never have we had snow!

Yeah, snow!

It had snowed Thursday night (the latest snowfall in Pinetop on record) and we had to shovel the driveway to get into the cabin! And it snowed more Friday after we had arrived! Weird. But it made for a very fun weekend. Besides, it was all melted by Monday morning. So contrast the pictures below, taken Friday, with those in my previous post:

A white Memorial Day!

Robert having fun with the shovel

More snow coming down on Friday afternoon

Headed to the mountains

2008-05-23T07:40:00.004-07:00

Continuing the tradition started over a decade ago, our family and the Goelz family are headed to the White Mountains today to spend a relaxing weekend eating, sleeping, and playing cards. I love this tradition and these Memorial Day weekends. Plus, I won't even be doing as much homework this year, especially compared to other years. Well, time to start loading the car...

She made it!

2008-05-22T21:29:00.004-07:00

Oh happy day! Carolyn managed to pull her grades up enough to not be grounded for the summer! I'm so happy - for all of us! But especially her, because she worked really hard these past few days and it paid off for her. (heavy sigh of relief...)

Praying for Steven Curtis Chapman

2008-05-21T21:18:00.002-07:00

I just read about a tragic accident today for the family of Steven Curtis Chapman:

Steven Curtis Chapman’s youngest child died Wednesday afternoon after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.

Full story...

Greeked out

2008-05-19T22:22:00.003-07:00

Last night I finished translating 1 John 1-3. Whew! It was a busy, Greeked out weekend, let me tell ya! Now I need to get to that exegetical paper of 1 John 3:11-18. I hope to finish that this weekend while we're in the mountains for Memorial Day, and then all that's left is studying for the final exam on June 3rd. When I have a little more time, I'll post my translation of 1 John 1-3.

Other random thoughts on a Monday night:

My new Dell Vostro 1400 laptop is awesome!
Carolyn has two more days to pull up her grades...
Today was our summer icebreaker - it reached 103 today (and so it begins)
I can't wait for this weekend in Pinetop!
My allergies were horrible today
My 2003 Mazda Protege 5 is about to pass the 100,000 mile mark (and last week I got 33mpg)
Interesting words here from Alice Cooper

Graduation!

2008-05-17T17:38:00.003-07:00

The graduate and the proud family!

Whew! It's all over!

Kim's last day at UofA

2008-05-15T07:39:00.004-07:00

Today is my wife's last day as a student at UofA! She takes her last final this afternoon, and then she will have finished her degree. Tomorrow is graduation, and then...a free summer before graduate school!

I'm so proud of her. She has worked very hard and done so well. I know today will be bittersweet, since she has really enjoyed these last two years but is also certainly happy to be finishing. I know she will enjoy walking on campus today, taking the final, and treating herself to some chocolate afterwards! There will likely be a little water around the eyes and a skip in her step. I can't wait to hear about it tonight when I get home...

Renewing the World

2008-05-13T08:17:00.002-07:00

Dear Lord, when your Spirit descended upon your disciples, they spoke in languages of those who came to hear their witness. Tonight I pray that in our time your Spirit will also break through the many barriers that divide nations and people. Let there be unity among us who inhabit this world. Give us the strength to transcend our physical, emotional, and psychological differences and recognize that it is your Holy Spirit who unites us by making us all participants in your own divine life. Let your Spirit open our eyes and ears to your ongoing presence among us. Let us recognize you when we serve each other, work together for reconciliation and peace, and unite our talents to build a better world. Without your Spirit we are powerless, but with and in your Spirit we can renew the world. Do not leave us alone, but let your Spirit enter into our hearts so that together we can prepare the day of your glorious return, and can praise you, thank you, honor you, and love you all the days of our lives. Amen.

- Henri Nouwen, A Cry for Mercy

Choices

2008-05-12T21:40:00.003-07:00

I've said many times that I feel like my kids teach me a lot about God. Tonight, I'm learning about choices. My daughter continues to make what I consider bad choices, mainly about how she spends her time. She has eight school days left to bring one of her grades up to a previously established, acceptable level. If she does not, she will be grounded for the entire summer. Yeah. The entire summer. Not exactly how a 13-year-old wants to spend a summer. And she has known this for several weeks. And she has yet to even start her homework tonight. (You'll just have to trust me that we are not being overly harsh or demanding parents. This simply has been an issue for far too long.)

It's 9:45pm.

And my heart is breaking. Kim and I have both talked to her tonight, but she refuses to hear us. With four assignments due tomorrow and a test in the class in question, this may be her last chance. So now I have to start preparing for that conversation that I don't think she believes will occur - the one that goes something like this: "You had your chances and you choose poorly. You are grounded for the summer." She'll be mad. And I'll be sad. She'll yell. I'll cry.

Is this what happens when we refuse to listen to God? When we make bad choices?

God, how many times have I made poor choices and then been mad at you? Have you cried over those decisions? How many times have I broken your heart by not listening to you? I'm so sorry.

Pentecost

2008-05-11T20:27:00.003-07:00

Jesus speaking to his disciples on his last night with them: "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:15-18, NIV)

Speaking of the disciples in Jerusalem: When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. (Acts 2:1-4, NIV)

Wow. It's good to go back over stories like this as days, like Pentecost, come throughout the year, marking key moments in the history of the church. For some of us, we've heard or read the story so many times that it's easy for it to fly right past us without any sort of awe-inspiring questions like, "Is that what really happened?" I mean, seriously, did some sort of ancient whirlwind invade this house and enable a group of people to begin speaking in other languages? In one sense, that sounds crazy. Maybe they had been drinking (the accusation comes a few verses later). Maybe it was a dust devil that blew sand and dust in their mouths causing them to slur their words. Or maybe it was exactly as Luke described it - an incredible display of God's power filling them with the Holy Spirit promised by Jesus the night before he died. In any case, it must have been something quite amazing to the disciples. So amazing, in fact, that immediately following this, Peter stands up, gives a sermon to be recorded for all time, and we witness the beginning of the church:

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47, NIV)

Wow. So whatever it was that did happen motivated these people to begin a radically new way of life together.

Crazy? Maybe.

Amazing? Absolutely.

Greek mid-term tonight

2008-05-06T08:05:00.005-07:00

Tonight is our mid-term on participles, subjunctive mood, and translations. I had a good study session last night with Dan which helped. A few more flash card reviews over dinner will hopefully put me in a good mindset. Only 4 more class meetings after tonight! And I haven't started my exegetical paper yet...hmmm...

Other random thoughts this Tuesday morning:

My wife graduates in 10 days!
I'm taking the summer off from classes.
I'm starting to think seriously (i.e., daydreaming) about our cruise vacation in June.
Why are there so many choices of carpet?
New couches arrive Friday.
Carolyn is reading a book on her own.
My new laptop is just a few days away.
I'm trying to select summer reading material. Any suggestions?

A really great day

2008-05-02T21:20:00.003-07:00

Today was a great day. It was my wife's last Friday as a University of Arizona undergraduate student, so I just had to go with her to the campus. Once there, we grabbed a quick breakfast at Starbucks, she went off to class, and I sat outside in the beautiful morning studying some Greek. When her classes finished, we headed off to do some long overdue furniture shopping. In between stores, we grabbed some lunch, and headed off to more stores.

It was really cool just to be with her all day, sitting on couches, reclining in recliners, laughing at prices, eating fresh-baked cookies at one of the stores, and then making a decision at the end of the day. There was no rushing, no stress, no worries of school or work or kids, just she and I enjoying the day and time with each other. It was wonderful...

My head is a mess

2008-04-28T18:19:00.005-07:00

I've been a little nostalgic over the past few days with a swirl of thoughts tumbling in my head. I'm not being overly wishful for "the good ole days" - just watching more than a few things coming to an end. I'm realizing more and more each day that my kids are not kids anymore. How did this happen? My son is driving, for goodness sake! And, he's driving really well! My daughter continues to "mature" physically, even though she's not emotionally ready for all that comes with that. And I just grounded her for the rest of the school year and took her cell phone away indefinitely because of a very serious lie she told her mother today. I remember when a 10-minute timeout in the corner was punishment enough. Not anymore...

Last Friday night about 10:00pm, I sat in the car in our church parking lot waiting for my son to come back from a wild night of dodgeball at another church. As I sat there in the dark with John Mayer singing in the background, I was overcome with memories and flashbacks from the past 10 years in that church.

I remembered many of the friends we've made, and many of the people who have left. I remembered when we built our worship center - debt free. I remembered when cars would drive in on Sunday mornings and then drive out because they couldn't find a parking place. I remembered when we had enough students where we could have hosted our own wild dodgeball party. I remembered the first Sunday we went, and the first couple we met. I remembered when Robert was baptized there. And then Carolyn. I remembered my first Sunday teaching. And I remembered my last Sunday teaching.

Now, there are weeds growing up between the cracks in both parking lots. Now, we're lucky if the front lot fills up on Sunday morning. Now, we're lucky if Robert and Carolyn aren't the only students on a Sunday morning. We keep saying that we're a "new community." But I'm not really sure who we are anymore.

I've certainly changed a lot over these years, too. I no longer believe that big worship centers and overflowing parking lots necessarily make a great church. I think a great church is made of people who are completely devoted to loving God and loving their neighbors. I think a church can be any size and shape, as long as there are devoted followers of Christ living out their faith together in their everyday lives and working toward the mission that God has put before them.

Last night, eight of us in our small group sat around a patio table in a backyard and ate a great meal together. We laughed, we disagreed, and we shared struggles with real issues in our families and faith. Our kids played together. We shared communion together. We prayed together. It was good. Some of us have been together for years. We've watched couples become families with little ones who aren't so little anymore. Now we babysit for each other. Some of us work together. Some of us play together. I love those people. That's my community. And you know what? That's "church" for me.

A Testament of Devotion

2008-04-26T11:16:00.004-07:00

Over the last several days, I've been re-reading A Testament of Devotion by Thomas R. Kelly. It has been a few years since I read it the first time, so it's been interesting to note the different things that have struck me this time. Still, though, this book will remain as one of my favorites of all time. It's beautifully written from a passionate and humble soul, completely devoted to God.

In the fourth of the five essays, Kelly speaks of the The Eternal Now (emphasis mine):

...time spreads itself out like a ribbon, stretching away from the now into the past, and forward from the now into the future, at the far end of which stands the New Jerusalem. In this ribbon of time we live, anxiously surveying the past in order to learn how to manage the most important part of the ribbon, the future. The now is merely an incidental dividing point, unstable, non-important, except as by its unstaying migration we move ahead into the richer meadows and the greener pastures of the future. This, I fear, is the all-too-familiar world of all too many religious men and women, when a deeper and a richer experience is possible.

He then writes about how God, the Divine Presence, "steals upon us," making all things new, and opens up a completely new dimension of life:

In the immediate experience of the Presence, the Now is no mere nodal point between the past and the future. It is the seat and region of the Divine Presence itself. No longer is the ribbon spread out with equal vividness before one, for the past matters less and the future matters less, for the Now contains all that is needed for the absolute satisfaction of our deepest cravings. Between the relinquished past and the untrodden future stands this holy Now, whose bulk has swelled to cosmic size, for within the Now is the dwelling place of God Himself. In the Now, we are at home at last.

Oh to be able to live every moment like this! To be able to feel the presence of God in all places in all times, to be at home with God in His dwelling place, this moment.

"Not doing the truth"

2008-04-23T20:36:00.003-07:00

As I've said before, we are translating 1 John 1-3 in Greek. Verse 6 in chapter 1 uses an interesting form of the Greek verb ποιέω. A general-use translation of this verb is "I do" or "I make." But here is how it is used in verse 6:

Εαν ειπωμεν οτι κοινωνιαν εχομεν μετ αυτου και εν τω σκοτια περιπατωμεν, ψευδομεθα και ου ποιουμεν την αληθειαν·

(I intentionally left out all accents and breathing marks - they're too hard in this font.)
The straight translation is this:

If - we say - that - fellowship - we have - with - him - and - in - the - darkness - we live, - we are lying - and - not - we do - the - truth.

Or, maybe something like this:

If we say that we have fellowship with him (referring to Jesus) and yet we live in the darkness, we are lying and we are not doing the truth.

What an interesting way to say this! If we claim that we have fellowship or community with Jesus, and yet we continue to walk in the darkness, we are actually lying and not doing the truth. My BDAG lexicon has about 2 1/2 pages about ποιέω - it's actually a quite popular verb. Mounce says it's used 568 times! The generalized definition for ποιέω in BDAG says this:

A multivalent term, often without pointed semantic significance, used in reference to a broad range of activity involving such matters as bringing something into being, bringing something to pass, or simply interacting in some way with a variety of entities.

The specific BDAG reference to 1 John 1:6 says "do, practice, live the truth."

So, if we claim to follow Jesus but live a life that does not reflect that following, we're lying to ourselves and those around us, and we are not living truthful lives. We are not bringing about the truth of Jesus. We are, in a way, holding back the truth. We are not "doing" the truth.

Sacred Destinations

2008-04-19T15:33:00.003-07:00

Have you seen this site? Some beautiful pictures are posted there of sacred places all over the world. You should definitely check it out. Here's an example:

Dove Mountain Hike

2008-04-19T14:28:00.003-07:00

Robert, Taylor, and I went hiking this morning in the Dove Mountain area. We started out at the Wild Burro Trail Head, followed the Wild Burro trail for a while, took the Alamo Spring branch (by mistake), and ended up at the top of a small mountain. That was cool - but a little off-plan. We were initially going to take the Lower Javelina Loop, but somehow missed the trail marker for that one...

It was nice, a little warm, but nice. The only bad part was all of the bugs. We couldn't really find a good lunch spot (good = free of bugs), so we just waited until we got back to Taylor's house and ate on the patio looking up at where we had just hiked. Here are a few shots from the day:

Robert on a rock by a rather large saguaro

Taylor and Robert at the top of the small mountain

One of the 112 lizards we saw on the trail
(yes, Robert counted)

Ahhh sleep...

2008-04-18T07:23:00.002-07:00

The world is so much brighter and clearer when you can sleep. Since my whining the other night at 3:04am, I have slept two nights with hardly any coughing! And this morning, for a couple of hours - are you ready - I even slept flat on my pillow! Yeah! Can you believe it?

I read once that sleeping each night is a little like dying. Not in a morbid way, but when we lay down, relax, and fall asleep, we are letting go of our alert state of being and surrendering ourselves into God's hands. Our bodies are at rest, and, in fact, much physical healing occurs when we sleep. Then, when we awake, it's a little like resurrection. Our bodies are refreshed (hopefully), and we have new energy and life to face what's ahead. I thought that was an interesting metaphor, but it makes some sense to me. I just wonder if when we die, will our life seem just like a dream? Will the next life be more real and alive than this one, so much so that this current life will seem like a distant memory? Even if it is, it's all we have right now. So we need to live it for all it's worth!

3:04am

2008-04-15T03:03:00.003-07:00

Ok, I'm sitting in front of my laptop at 3:04am, coughing up a lung, tired, frustrated, eyes hurting, trying to be present in this "ordinary" moment of life.

It ain't working.

I just want to sleep. I just want to lay down and not cough. Just for a few hours. And I'm sure my wife would appreciate that as well. And the kids. And the dog. She stirred a little in her crate as I came downstairs, as if to say, "Don't come down here! I heard you loud and clear when you were up there!"

The neighbor's light just came on...I hope I didn't wake them...

I guess I'll try again to sleep...maybe it's back to the recliner...

Home again

2008-04-13T21:22:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was a roaring success getting all of the new electronics hooked up for Mardie. Plus, we had another great dinner, this time at home with grilled shrimp, veggies, and crab legs. Yum! Flying home today in a beautifully clear sky over snow covered mountains was gorgeous. It didn't even feel that hot in Phoenix when we landed.

Now for reality...back to work tomorrow...

Oh what a dinner

2008-04-12T08:18:00.003-07:00

So I arrived in Salt Lake City about midnight Thursday, slept through some coughing fits, and then awoke to a beautiful, clear, chilly Friday morning. Lots of snow still cover the mountains all around the valley here. And the view from Mardie's front window toward Mt. Olympus is spectacular! They took me to a great little Mexican place for lunch (yeah, it was good, even in Utah) where we had fish tacos, carnitas tacos, and carne asada tacos (with Dos Equis, of course).

Mardie had to go to a meeting at the University in the afternoon, so Mona and I went shopping! Three hours later, we had a new surround sound receiver, upconverting DVD player, universal remote, and a few other little goodies. When we picked up Mardie, she took us to the Red Butte Botanical Gardens at the University, which was pretty cool. The daffodils are starting to bloom, and the gardens were very nice. That would be a great place to get away from the busyness of life for a couple of hours, especially if you worked or went to school at the University.

Even though all of that made for quite a good day, we topped it off with a wonderful dining experience. We headed to The Gateway with plans to go to the Brazilian restaurant that we had found during the Olympics in 2002. Well, we found it easily enough, except that it said it was opening in a few months. Huh? We ate there 6 years ago! But, we were hungry and instead of trying to figure out what had happened, we headed to Flemings Prime Steakhouse and Wine Bar.

Oh my.

Without a doubt, this is one of the top five best dinners I've ever had. We were even sitting at the bar, because it was an hour wait for a table when we got there around 8:00pm. It didn't matter. It was...fantastic! And then, they began bringing us food.

Oh my.

I had the 22oz bone-in ribeye. Oh my. Mona had the Veal chop. Yum. Mardie had scallops. Probably the best scallops I've ever tasted (and Utah is a land-locked state!). Wine, hefeweizen, grilled asparagus, chipotle macaroni and cheese (this ain't your mama's mac-n-cheese!), and then...cheesecake. With blueberries. And chantilly cream. Oh my!

Honestly, we didn't want to leave. But it was 10:00pm, and we were getting pretty sleepy. Wow - what a meal.

So today, I'm the geek squad for Mardie, installing all the new stereo components, fixing the old ones that weren't connected properly, hanging speakers on walls, fun stuff like that. And, well, it's time to get started...

On the way to Utah

2008-04-10T20:25:00.002-07:00

I complain a lot about Phoenix. In fact, if you live in Tucson, that's kinda expected. You know, things like, "Phoenix is so much hotter than Tucson!" or "Wow, the traffic is sooooo bad in Phoenix, much worse than Tucson!" or "ASwho?" (you know, instead of ASU) Anyway, I must admit that right now, I'm liking Phoenix - at least the airport anyway. Because I just had a pretty good Machaca burrito, I'm sitting at a little table with a power adapter and my grande non-fat chai from Starbucks, and I'm online on Sky Harbor's free wifi. It's still hotter than Tucson, and there's still more traffic, but at least I can get online for free while I wait for my delayed Salt Lake City flight.

Still coughing

2008-04-09T21:57:00.003-07:00

The last few nights have been about the same as Saturday night. I lay down, I start coughing. So, sleep is something I'm beginning to get desperate for. Maybe tonight...

Tomorrow I go to Salt Lake City to visit Mona and Mardie. I come home on Sunday afternoon, hopefully a little better rested (but I will miss my family and my bed.)

Tired and voiceless

2008-04-06T10:51:00.005-07:00

Allergies? A cold? Whatever it is, it has stolen most of my voice since Friday night. That's not a bad thing at all - I like being quiet. But, when the coughing started last night in bed, things went downhill. I found some prescription cough syrup from 2006, grabbed a couple of blankets, a glass of water, and ended up in the recliner downstairs for a most unrestful night. I climbed back into bed around 5:30 and caught up a little - before the coughing began again.

So here I sit in my new temporary bed (the recliner), surfing and pondering life on a Sunday morning when I'm usually at our church service. My daughter returned home this morning around 8:00 from a 3-day Disneyland field trip, so she is sleeping blissfully upstairs. My son and wife are at the service, today being the one Sunday a month when Kim helps in the nursery to get her "baby fix." The day looks absolutely beautiful, so I imagine I will venture outside at some point, but not yet.

I am facing a reading crisis, however, which was highlighted throughout the restless night. I'm on the last chapter of Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation, and I just recently finished Nouwen's Show Me the Way. And I don't have an unread Merton or Nouwen book on the shelf calling out my name. Help!

I've been reading a lot online lately, mostly missional church stuff here and here and expanding the blogs that my Google Reader updates for me. And, if you've been following my posts on my Greek class, it's obvious that I have some mind-stretching reading on the horizon. But I always like to have at least one book on the table, in my computer bag, or on the nightstand that speaks to my soul and gives me glimpses of God.

Any recommendations?

Speaking of poetry...

2008-04-06T10:42:00.002-07:00

"For we are God's poetry..." (see this post)

I just noticed that a blog called Poem of the Week is one of Blogger's Blogs of Note. Check it out if you're curious about being a poem spoken by God...

This quarter in Greek

2008-04-05T20:20:00.003-07:00

Well this 3rd and final quarter of Greek should be very interesting. We have a few more chapters in our beginning grammar to cover, more vocabulary to learn, as well as tackling some more advanced topics in our intermediate grammar.

Besides all of that, we will be translating 1 John 1-3 and each of us will pick a section from these chapters and write a 5-page exegetical paper on that section. For mine, I have chosen 1 John 3:11-18, primarily because 1 John 3:18 is one of my favorite verses (in bold below). Here's the NIV version:

This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

So it will be quite the fun and challenging quarter. But I look forward to truly diving into this...

Something cool in Greek

2008-04-02T21:12:00.003-07:00

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph 2:10)

Dane pointed out something very cool about this verse last night. The first part of this verse in Greek is αυτου γαρ εσμεν ποιημα, which literally translated means "His for we are workmanship" or "For we are his workmanship."

Two things are interesting here. First is the placement of "his" as the first word. This is emphatic positioning, emphasizing that first and foremost, we are "his."

Secondly, the 4th Greek word, pronounced "poi-ee-ma," is frequently translated as "workmanship" (NIV, NASB, KJV, NKJV, ESV) along with "handiwork" (Amplifed), and "masterpiece" (NLT). But, what English word does this sound like?

Poem.

So, in a sense, we are God's poetry. To me, words like "workmanship" or "handiwork" sound more like something made by a worker. Poetry, on the other hand, is something beautiful spoken by an artist.

The next time you feel down on yourself, remember that you are God's poetry, beautifully spoken into existence by the artistic Creator of the universe.

Cool, huh?

Final quarter of Greek begins tomorrow

2008-03-31T21:38:00.004-07:00

Tomorrow is the first class for the 3rd and final quarter of Greek. We will learn a little more grammar and vocabulary, but will spend most of the quarter translating 1 John. That should be challenging, but fun. These last two weeks have been really nice with no homework. But I'm looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow night and catching up...

More for the hotel room list...

2008-03-25T21:25:00.003-07:00

A small refrigerator with one free bottle of water per day. Again, this is cheap - why charge somebody $3 or $4 a bottle, especially if the tap water tastes gross?
A nightlight in the bathroom - my current room has one, but that is very rare...

I think those are the major items. I can't think of anything else right now, but who knows what tomorrow may bring...

Back on the road

2008-03-24T21:25:00.002-07:00

I'm back in Southern California this week, but what a beautiful week to be here. It's another postcard week: clear and sunny and cool, with wildflowers blooming everywhere! I'll try to snap a couple of pictures with my new phone, but I don't have a cable to download them yet, so...yeah.

You know, with all the travel I've been doing lately, I think I need to start a list of what makes a great hotel room. So I'll start, in no particular order, and you can chime in when you like:

An incredibly comfortable bed - like the Westin Heavenly Bed - because after all, that's the main function of the room: sleeping!
Soundproofing: the room needs to be quiet - period - regardless of where it is on the property. Like the Sheraton Gateway at LAX. It's next to one of the busiest airports in the country and I hear nothing outside of my room!
Lots of electrical outlets: I typically bring 4 chargers with me on every trip - cell phone, laptop, MP3 player, and JBL portable speaker. I need a lot of outlets that are not hidden behind the bed!
Wired and wireless high-speed free internet service. Come on, we pay enough for the room already. Skip putting a phone in the bathroom and give me free, fast internet.
A nice clock radio with auxiliary input for my MP3 player so I wouldn't have to take my JBL portable speaker with me all the time - like a Bose Wave System...ahhh...

What else?

Easter

2008-03-23T18:21:00.002-07:00

From Henri Nouwen:

Easter season is a time of hope. There still is fear, there still is a painful awareness of sinfulness, but there also is light breaking through. Something new is happening, something that goes beyond the changing moods of our life. We can be joyful or sad, optimistic or pessimistic, tranquil or angry, but the solid stream of God's presence moves deeper than the small waves of our minds and hearts.

Easter brings the awareness that God is present even when his presence is not directly noticed.

Easter brings the good news that, although things seem to get worse in the world, the Evil One has already been overcome.

Easter allows us to affirm that although God seems very distant and although we remain preoccupied with many little things, our Lord walks with us on the road and keeps explaining the Scriptures to us. Thus there are many rays of hope casting their light on our way through life.

Thank you Henri for guiding me through this season and bringing me home.

Day 40 - Holy Saturday

2008-03-22T23:03:00.002-07:00

Today is the day in-between,
the day after death,
the day before life.
A day of silence.
A day of solitude.

On the seventh day of the week of our redemption, when Jesus had fulfilled all he was sent by his Father to do, he rested in the tomb, and the women whose hearts were broken with grief rested with him. Of all the days in history, Holy Saturday is the day of God's solitude. It is the day on which the whole creation waits in deep inner rest. It is the day on which no words are spoken, no proclamations made. The Word of God through whom all had been made lay buried in the darkness of the earth.

This Holy Saturday is the most quiet of all days.
Its quiet connects the first covenant with the second,
the people of Israel with the not-yet-knowing world,
the Temple with the new worship in the Spirit,
the sacrifices of blood with the sacrifice of bread and wine,
the Law with the Gospel.

This divine silence is the most fruitful silence that the world has ever known. From this silence, the Word will be spoken again and make all things new.

- Henri Nouwen, Walk with Jesus

Day 39 - Good Friday

2008-03-21T21:47:00.003-07:00

I didn't have as much luck tonight trying to find out why this day is referred to as "Good" Friday. Certainly, some 2,000 years ago, this was not considered a "good" day by those who had given up everything to follow Jesus. It must have been one of the worst day of their lives. There was nothing "good" about it. All they knew was that he was dead.

They must have thought it was over, that whatever they had seen with their own eyes had come to an end. Jesus was dead on a cross.

He was dead. Gone.

What now?

What about tomorrow? Do they return to their families? Do they pick up the pieces and go back to their old lives? Was it all a sham? How could this happen? What about everything he had done? What about everything he had said? He can't be gone...

What now?

Can you imagine how dark and hopeless that day must have seemed?

Empty.
Cold.
Sick.
Defeated.
Lost.

What would you do? What would I do?

He's gone...

Day 38 - Maundy Thursday

2008-03-20T22:31:00.002-07:00

I've seen on calendars and heard this day called "Maundy Thursday" but never really knew what "Maundy" was. So, tonight, I looked it up on Wikipedia:

The word Maundy is derived through Middle English, and Old French mandé, from the Latin mandatum, the first word of the phrase "Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" ("A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you"), the statement by Jesus in the Gospel of John (13:34) by which Jesus explained to the Apostles the significance of his action of washing their feet.

Not only does this day mark the washing of the disciples' feet by Jesus, it also marks the Last Supper. Jesus shared one final meal with his closest followers and thus began one of the most sacred of all practices - the Eucharist. This sacrament is central to many faith traditions and has been celebrated by millions of Christ followers through the generations. "Do this in remembrance of me," Jesus said.

And so tonight, I remember that last night spent in community with his friends. I remember his demonstration of servanthood. I remember his command to love each other. I remember his betrayal. I remember his painful cries to his Father from the garden. I remember his arrest. I remember Peter denying him. And I begin to think about the unthinkable - the agonizing pain awaiting him the next day and the unbelievable love awaiting us forever.

Nouwen writes this in today's reading from Show Me the Way:

Jesus calls us to continue his mission of revealing the perfect love of God in this world. He calls us to total self-giving. He does not want us to keep anything for ourselves. Rather, he wants our love to be as full, as radical, and as complete as his own. He wants us to bend ourselves to the ground and touch the places in each other that most need washing. He also wants us to say to each other, "Eat of me and drink of me." By this complete mutual nurturing, he wants us to become one body and one spirit, united by the love of God.

United in one body and one spirit by the love of God...

Day 36

2008-03-18T22:50:00.002-07:00

We had such a nice, relaxing weekend in Pinetop! We slept, ate, went for walks, played tennis, played games, watched movies, read, and just watched the snow fall on Sunday. Ahhh...

I can't believe this is the last week of Lent. The second half has certainly gone faster than the first half. Based on our conversation at our last small group meeting, I picked up a copy of Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth and started reading it this weekend. He certainly has an interesting perspective on things. I'm not sure I agree with him on a lot of what he's saying, but I'll wait until I finish it before I say much more.

I also finished reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I didn't like it as much as Blue Like Jazz, but I love his writing style. It's very engaging and I had a hard time putting it down. I have to try to get it some "light" reading before quarter 3 of Greek begins on April 1! But I don't want to think about that yet...

Day 32 - back home again (for a day)

2008-03-13T21:40:00.003-07:00

The trip to Albuquerque was a better trip, although I'm not sure the outcome of our meetings was any better. (Well, maybe a little) But, I'm back home now and getting ready to go to Pinetop tomorrow afternoon - after I take my Greek final in the morning.

One of the Nouwen readings while I was gone this week really hit that missional part of me (again!). Here is what he writes about us being like Jesus and being in the world:

To be lifted up into the divine life of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit does not mean, however, to be taken out of the world. On the contrary, those who have entered into the spiritual life are precisely the ones who are sent into the world to continue and fulfill the work that Jesus began. The spiritual life does not remove us from the world but leads us deeper into it.

Life in the Spirit of Jesus is therefore a life in which Jesus' coming into the world - his incarnation, his death, and resurrection - is lived out by those who have entered into the same obedient relationship to the Father which marked Jesus' own life. Having become sons and daughters as Jesus was Son, our lives become a continuation of Jesus' mission.

Day 30

2008-03-11T12:18:00.003-07:00

Today I leave for Albuquerque for a couple of days for work, and (gasp), I'm not taking my laptop. I know, I know, that's close to the edge, but I decided I could get in whatever study time I needed without it, and basically I didn't want to lug it around for this trip. Our day-long meeting tomorrow is a wildcard at this point, given the miserable meeting last week in DC. But, we have a recommendation for dinner, so maybe it won't be all bad. I hope to be able to get in a fair amount of Greek study, so I can take my final exam on Friday morning before we head to Pinetop for a long weekend. Well, either way, I'm taking the final on Friday - I just hope I'm ready by then...

Day 29

2008-03-10T21:47:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the relevancy of the church in our culture today. Our ever dwindling Sunday morning attendance (not only in my community, but in most others I know of) continues to gnaw at my "relevant" nerve. At our small group meeting last night, we talked about the newest Oprah book club best seller, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. Oprah and Tolle are doing a weekly webcast on Monday nights as well, and last week there was something like 500,000 people online for the webcast. Is this just good marketing? Is it that Oprah has her name associated with it?

I think it's interesting (coincidental, maybe??) that the latest best-selling "Christian" book was Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. Are both of these huge sellers satisfying some craving in our society for purpose? Are there that many people struggling to find a deeper meaning to life, wanting to be a part of something bigger than themselves, wanting to be happy? And how has the church so badly missed this mark? Do people even consider seeking God for an answer to their cravings? If so, are they doing it on their own, with no "need" to find a church.

Have we really missed the point that badly of what it means to be the church? I read an interesting blog post on this subject earlier today, appropriately titled "So What?" I think Mark is onto something there. As the church, we must find ways to help people right where they are with the problems and issues they face right now. That doesn't mean designing a ministry "program" with five key points that lead to a happier marriage. I think it means sitting with people, listening to people, helping each one individually walk through their valleys and come out on the other side. This is how Jesus interacted with people. He didn't offer a generalized, "one-size-fits-all" approach. His approach was relational and compassionate. "What do you want me to do for you?" was his common question. Not, "Have we got a fantastic new opportunity for you!" People don't need something else to do or some other event to attend or some other activity to put their kids in. People need compassion. People need relationships. People need hope. Isn't this what the church should be doing?

Fifth Sunday in Lent - Passion Sunday

2008-03-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

So what about after Easter?

The first Easter morning marked a significant point in history. From that point on, there would always be a "before" and an "after." So what does that mean for us today? Is there a "before" and an "after" for us? Is Easter just another Sunday in the midst of an already overbooked and overstressed culture? Even as Christians, do we mark the significance of the day with a "before" and an "after?"

Before Easter 2008, I was ________ and after Easter 2008 I will __________.

What do you put in those blanks? Is it a day of recommitment? Is it a day to remember? Is it a day for new beginnings? Is it a day, like New Year's Day, that marks the end of something old and the beginning of something new? I'm reminded of something I read from Nouwen during this past season of Advent:

People who wait have received a promise that allows them to wait. They have received something that is at work in them, like a seed that has started to grow. This is very important. We can really wait only if what we are waiting for has already begun in us. So waiting is never a movement from nothing to something. It is always a movement from something to something more...

So what about after Easter?

Day 28

2008-03-08T22:49:00.003-07:00

With only two more weeks before Easter, I'm trying to be more intentional in my reflecting on this season of Lent. I came into Lent feeling somewhat down and struggling with my decision to step away from my staff role at church. But, I'm feeling now like I will come out of this time feeling better. For one thing, I have stayed pretty faithful on my low-carb food consumption. Therefore, if nothing else, I am feeling better physically. I have not dropped a bunch of pounds, but my belt is one notch tighter and I'm not as hungry all the time. I've also been stretched mentally by Greek, but I am finding myself enjoying that very much. I still feel really good about my decision as well - that it was the right decision. Tomorrow will be my first official Sunday away from my old role, and the first Sunday in who knows how long that all four of us will go together in one car, arriving just a few minutes before the service starts.

Yeah, a lot has happened in the past four weeks. I look forward to seeing what is headed my way in the next two weeks...

Home

2008-03-08T16:36:00.003-07:00

Ahhh...I got home last night around 10:45pm. The flights went well, and other than full airports of people trying to get home like us, the trip was fairly uneventful. The flight from DC to Phoenix was long, but I slept a little, studied a little, watched the movie (Million Dollar Baby) and listened to music. The guy next to me had been trying to get home to Vegas since 8:00am that morning, so he spent most of the day in the airport bar and slept almost the entire time. The other guy next to me - yeah, I had a middle seat - worked on his laptop and wrote notes almost nonstop the entire flight, with his Bose noise cancellation headphones doing their magic.

It's so nice to be home after that trip. I love Tucson. You just can't beat the weather this time of year...

Day 27 - very early

2008-03-07T03:28:00.003-07:00

Yep. My flight was canceled. That's the bad news. The good news was that we found out before we left the hotel (thanks Tom!). So, even though it's 5:30am, at least I'm in my very nice hotel room instead of at the airport. The other bad news was that I was automatically rebooked on a flight tomorrow. But, the other good news is that I was able to rebook on another airline to leave here at 5:00pm and go direct to Phoenix, flying right over all the bad weather in the middle of the country. So, if all goes according to the new plan, I'll land in Tucson around 10:00pm. That's 11 hours later than the original plan, but at least it's still today.

So things could be better, but obviously they could be much worse. I'm sure there are still a lot of people in Dallas trying to get home today and not knowing if/when they will. At least here in DC, the weather is nice (now), and I am confirmed on a flight home later today. And who knows what the day may bring. I'll be paying extra attention to the ordinary today. Because, I'm guessing it may not be very ordinary after all...

Day 26 - in Washington, DC

2008-03-06T17:29:00.002-07:00

Well our meeting today could have been better. In fact, it could have been a lot better. We're all pretty frustrated and down. Plus, we just saw where Dallas is expecting 2-4" of snow tonight. And guess where we're headed at 6:00am tomorrow? Yeah. So, who knows when I'll get home. The phrase "adding insult to injury" comes to mind. Oh well. At least I can study while we wait...

Day 25 - in Washington, DC

2008-03-05T20:32:00.004-07:00

My trip to DC today was easy and uneventful, exactly the way air travel should be! In fact, I had a very nice and interesting conversation with the person sitting next to me from Tucson to Dallas. She noticed my Greek study notes and asked what I was studying. After telling her, I discovered that she is a linguistics professor at UofA! I told her about studying Greek and what I hoped that would do for me in the future. She grew up in Mexico, and confessed she knew little about "religion" outside of Catholicism in Mexico. So I explained a little and maybe helped her see that God works in many different ways and in many different situations. It was cool. I'm glad I didn't miss that moment of talking with her by being too busy. Maybe, just maybe, she got a little of glimpse of God shining through me.

Tomorrow is the big meeting, so I had better get some sleep now...

Day 24 - Frenzy

2008-03-04T10:13:00.003-07:00

Life has gotten a little frenzied in the last day or two. Due to a mild but growing disaster at work, I'm getting on a plane tomorrow for Washington, DC and will return home on Friday. Then next week, I go to Albuquerque on Tuesday and come home Wednesday. And tonight, Dane will give us our take-home Greek final that's due back to him next Friday. But after that will ne a nice long weekend in Pinetop with just the four of us...ahhh...

Hmmm...I will need to pay special attention to the ordinary moments in the next week or so, or they will be very easy to miss...

Fourth Sunday in Lent

2008-03-02T19:55:00.002-07:00

How hard it is for me to spend time in solitude. By solitude, I mean spending time where I am alone, quiet, without interruption, and still in my soul. It's time when I do not feel rushed, when I do not feel like there is something more pressing that I should be doing, when I can truly relax and just be in the presence of God. That's hard, but necessary. In the times when I can do this, usually nothing spectacular happens, but it refreshes me. I feel rested. I feel centered. I feel better.

Here is what Nouwen has to say about solitude today:

Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude, we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant ("turn stones into loaves"), to be spectacular ("throw yourself down"), and to be powerful ("I will give you all these kingdoms"). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identify ("You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone"). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter - the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self.

Day 22

2008-03-01T17:20:00.003-07:00

I missed posting yesterday, but it was a good day. I studied at Starbucks for a while in the morning, met my wife for lunch, then studied some more while my car got a thorough cleaning at the local car wash. My daughter performed in her school's talent show last night, and of course, she was wonderful, singing a cappella with three friends.

Today, I have been immersed in Greek as well. Our final next week is going to be tough, so I'm trying to crack down. So, even though it's about 75 outside and absolutely beautiful, here I sit at the dining room table making flash cards and trying to understand the meanings behind aorist passive forms. Yeah, I know, I'm just whining. I'm actually really liking Greek now, and with the windows open, I can still feel the air and listen to the palms and wind chimes sing in the breeze. Later tonight, I'm meeting a classmate at the UofA library to study some more. Hmmm...there is a Starbucks nearby...

Day 20 - really

2008-02-28T23:59:00.000-07:00

Remember when I wrote a class paper last summer about the three voices of a leader? As that paper progressed, my conclusion was essentially this: instead of a leader trying his/her best to "walk-the-talk" - actions following words - why not turn that around and "talk-the-walk?" Here is what I wrote:

Saint Francis of Assisi is quoted as saying, “Preach the gospel at all times – if necessary, use words.” This is a great perspective for us to maintain as leaders. More than that, I believe something quite significant is present in these ten simple words for how we view leadership. Most of the material written on the subject of consistency between words and actions views the topic in that order: actions should match words. However, I suggest that we view this relationship in reverse. Instead of attempting to match our actions to our words, we should ensure that our words match our actions. Put another way, we should first decide how we should act as leaders, and then merely speak about those actions. The difference is subtle but filled with possibility! If we approach leadership from this perspective, we very well may find that we have much less to say with our mouths, providing us with a greater ability to listen and discern what is happening around us. If we decide how we should act in different situations and then let our words be reflections of those actions, I believe much of the inconsistency that we now face will disappear. Viewing leadership from this perspective will require much more internal discipline, but I believe this approach would raise the effectiveness of every leader today.

This was a powerful revelation for me at the time, and I was struck again by Nouwen's writing from yesterday:

In Jesus no division existed between his words and his actions, between what he said and what he did. Jesus' words were his actions, his words were events. They not only spoke about changes, cures, new life, but they actually created them. In this sense, Jesus is truly the Word made flesh; in that Word all is created and by that Word all is recreated.

Saintliness means living without division between word and action. If I would truly live in my own life the word I am speaking, my spoken words would become actions, and miracles would happen whenever I opened my mouth.

Boy do I feel stupid

2008-02-27T21:44:00.003-07:00

Remember how I said that Lent was not part of my faith tradition growing up? Yeah, well, somebody out there in blog reading land should have caught this and corrected me!

When counting the 40 days of Lent leading up to Easter, one does not count the Sundays!

oops

So, today is not really Day 22 - it's only Day 19!
(no wonder getting half-way through seemed so fast!)

Live and learn, right?

(heavy sigh)

Day 22 - The Decision

2008-02-27T20:49:00.003-07:00

Last Thursday, I wrote about coming to some resolution regarding the decision that I have been contemplating for several months now. The decision was whether or not to remain on staff at my church. Kevin and I had a really good talk on Friday morning, and Dave and I spoke this morning which was really good as well. So, after speaking with them and my tech team, I sent the following message tonight to the rest of the staff:

I wanted to let you all know that I have decided to take a break from my staff role at aldea for an indefinite period of time. I have been working in the tech booth since we moved into the building, and really need to step away for a while and rest.

I plan to continue to support the development of the aldea website, and the current tech team will assume some of my other responsibilities. This Sunday, March 2, will be my last Sunday in the tech booth, but I will support them as much as they need through this transition.

As our community continues to evolve and develop over the coming months, something new may emerge which would offer me an opportunity to return to the staff. In the meantime, I look forward to continuing to be part of the aldea community.

As each day passes, I feel better and better about having made the right decision. And, I am beginning to sense a growing anticipation for what God has in mind for me next. But for now, I am at peace and looking forward to simply resting...

Day 21

2008-02-26T22:14:00.002-07:00

So Lent is already half over. Wow. It's gone fast so far. I'm really enjoying reading through Show Me the Way each day - as you can probably tell by my abundance of Nouwen quotes.

Speaking of Nouwen quotes, here's a prayer from yesterday's reading which struck the missional chord in me:

Lord, I pray for all who witness for you in this world:
ministers, priests, and bishops,
men and women who have dedicated their lives to you,
and all those who try to bring the light of the Gospel
into the darkness of this age.

Give them courage, strength, perseverance, and hope,
fill their hearts and minds
with the knowledge of your presence,
and let them experience your name
as their refuge from all dangers.

Most of all, give them the joy of your Spirit,
so that wherever they go and whomever they meet
they will remove the veil
of depression, fatalism, and defeatism
and will bring new life to the many
who live in constant fear of death.

Lord, be with all who bring the Good News.
Amen.