I realized something this morning as I was walking. It seems like the closer I get to God these days, the farther away I feel from my church. What is up with that?
Certainly it's a combination of internal changes in my own heart plus changes in our community. Here's one very recent example. Last Sunday, about 15 minutes before the service began and I was to speak, I heard something which really caught me off-guard. I pushed it aside in the moment to focus on the service, but that afternoon it resurfaced in my mind and turned me a little upside-down. Then I had lunch with one of our two senior pastors on Monday to make sure I had heard correctly and, if so, to express my concern. And, yes, I heard correctly. And, no, nothing would likely be done about it. And, yes, it's a big deal for me. He understood my concern and validated my feelings about it. Then we talked about living in that kind of tension when we don't agree with each other or decisions that are made. And about how that is one of the things we are striving for in our church. Living in the tension. Even if it's over values - not just theology or philosophy or ministry.
Ok, so pause that for a minute and let's go back to the whole missional/attractional church thing. Our church is very much an attractional church - meaning, we put a lot of energy into trying to get people to come to our Sunday morning service. In fact, I would say that most of our resources (time, money, effort) go towards pulling off a great Sunday service. And often we do. Beyond that, we offer serving opportunities for people to get involved either in our church or in the broader Tucson community. But that is sparse, at best. Now please don't hear me wrong. I am not bashing the attractional church paradigm. I grew up in this paradigm!
In a missional church, though, service to the community is not a ministry of the church or a program of the church. It is the church. Everything is focused and expressed through being a missional movement in the larger community. Emphasis is placed on the church going out instead of trying to get others to come in. In my opinion, the two paradigms are 180 degrees apart. And for me, as I've said before, I'm having more and more difficulty seeing church any other way than as a missional movement of people loving God and loving their neighbors.
So as I wonder what that kind of missional church might look like and how it would operate, I often struggle with what church gatherings should be. Should a missional church still meet every Sunday? And if so, for what purpose? And I often think that, for a missional church that is living, working, and playing in it's mission field, a regular gathering should be a type of break or time-out. It should be a time of refreshment, encouragement, rest. A time when we would come together to talk, laugh, cry, share, support, reflect, celebrate and get ready for whatever comes next. But a time of tension? No, I don't think so. There's already enough tension in life. Tension at work, at home, at school, and in relationships. Tension caused by hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, sickness, and death.
As I think about my church trying to foster an environment of differences, to celebrate those differences, and to live in the tension of disagreements - even over big things - I'm beginning to ask myself this simple question: Why? For what purpose?
Again, please don't hear something I'm not saying. I'm not saying we should be a Stepford church where everybody acts the same, thinks the same, or does the same thing. How boring would that be? There will always be differences. But, shouldn't there be some common ground, some common values, some common mission that brings us together and moves us forward?
When I consider what areas in my life are causing me the most stress, the most tension, the answer is clear: my church. How do I celebrate that? What am I missing in all of this?