Day 20 - really

Remember when I wrote a class paper last summer about the three voices of a leader? As that paper progressed, my conclusion was essentially this: instead of a leader trying his/her best to "walk-the-talk" - actions following words - why not turn that around and "talk-the-walk?" Here is what I wrote:

Saint Francis of Assisi is quoted as saying, “Preach the gospel at all times – if necessary, use words.” This is a great perspective for us to maintain as leaders. More than that, I believe something quite significant is present in these ten simple words for how we view leadership. Most of the material written on the subject of consistency between words and actions views the topic in that order: actions should match words. However, I suggest that we view this relationship in reverse. Instead of attempting to match our actions to our words, we should ensure that our words match our actions. Put another way, we should first decide how we should act as leaders, and then merely speak about those actions. The difference is subtle but filled with possibility! If we approach leadership from this perspective, we very well may find that we have much less to say with our mouths, providing us with a greater ability to listen and discern what is happening around us. If we decide how we should act in different situations and then let our words be reflections of those actions, I believe much of the inconsistency that we now face will disappear. Viewing leadership from this perspective will require much more internal discipline, but I believe this approach would raise the effectiveness of every leader today.

This was a powerful revelation for me at the time, and I was struck again by Nouwen's writing from yesterday:

In Jesus no division existed between his words and his actions, between what he said and what he did. Jesus' words were his actions, his words were events. They not only spoke about changes, cures, new life, but they actually created them. In this sense, Jesus is truly the Word made flesh; in that Word all is created and by that Word all is recreated.

Saintliness means living without division between word and action. If I would truly live in my own life the word I am speaking, my spoken words would become actions, and miracles would happen whenever I opened my mouth.

Boy do I feel stupid

Remember how I said that Lent was not part of my faith tradition growing up? Yeah, well, somebody out there in blog reading land should have caught this and corrected me!

When counting the 40 days of Lent leading up to Easter, one does not count the Sundays!

oops

So, today is not really Day 22 - it's only Day 19!
(no wonder getting half-way through seemed so fast!)

Live and learn, right?

(heavy sigh)

Day 22 - The Decision

Last Thursday, I wrote about coming to some resolution regarding the decision that I have been contemplating for several months now. The decision was whether or not to remain on staff at my church. Kevin and I had a really good talk on Friday morning, and Dave and I spoke this morning which was really good as well. So, after speaking with them and my tech team, I sent the following message tonight to the rest of the staff:

I wanted to let you all know that I have decided to take a break from my staff role at aldea for an indefinite period of time. I have been working in the tech booth since we moved into the building, and really need to step away for a while and rest.

I plan to continue to support the development of the aldea website, and the current tech team will assume some of my other responsibilities. This Sunday, March 2, will be my last Sunday in the tech booth, but I will support them as much as they need through this transition.

As our community continues to evolve and develop over the coming months, something new may emerge which would offer me an opportunity to return to the staff. In the meantime, I look forward to continuing to be part of the aldea community.

As each day passes, I feel better and better about having made the right decision. And, I am beginning to sense a growing anticipation for what God has in mind for me next. But for now, I am at peace and looking forward to simply resting...

Day 21

So Lent is already half over. Wow. It's gone fast so far. I'm really enjoying reading through Show Me the Way each day - as you can probably tell by my abundance of Nouwen quotes.

Speaking of Nouwen quotes, here's a prayer from yesterday's reading which struck the missional chord in me:

Lord, I pray for all who witness for you in this world:
ministers, priests, and bishops,
men and women who have dedicated their lives to you,
and all those who try to bring the light of the Gospel
into the darkness of this age.

Give them courage, strength, perseverance, and hope,
fill their hearts and minds
with the knowledge of your presence,
and let them experience your name
as their refuge from all dangers.

Most of all, give them the joy of your Spirit,
so that wherever they go and whomever they meet
they will remove the veil
of depression, fatalism, and defeatism
and will bring new life to the many
who live in constant fear of death.

Lord, be with all who bring the Good News.
Amen.

Pictures from Friday's hike to Romero Pools

Robert, Me, and Taylor at the pools after lunch

A shot of the pools

On the way back down, looking toward Oro Valley

Survey: Americans switching faiths, dropping out

The U.S. religious marketplace is extremely volatile, with nearly half of American adults leaving the faith tradition of their upbringing to either switch allegiances or abandon religious affiliation altogether, a new survey finds...

continue reading article from CNN...

Day 19 - Third Sunday in Lent

I missed an entry for yesterday, but here's part of yesterday's reading from Nouwen:

Jesus came to open my ears to another voice that says,

"I am your God.
I have molded you with my own hands,
and I love what I have made.

I love you with a love that has no limits,
because I love you as I am loved.

Do not run away from me.
Come back to me - not once, not twice, but always again.

You are my child.
How can you ever doubt that I will embrace you again,
hold you against my breast,
kiss you and let my hands run through your hair?

I am your God -
the God of mercy and compassion,
the God of pardon and love,
the God of tenderness and care.

Please do not say that I have given up on you,
that I cannot stand you any more,
that there is no way back.

It is not true.

I so much want you to be with me.
I so much want you to be close to me.
I know all your thoughts.
I hear all your words.
I see all your actions.
And I love you because you are beautiful,
made in my own image,
an expression of my most intimate love.

Do not judge yourself.
Do not condemn yourself.
Do not reject yourself.

Let my love touch the deepest, most hidden corners of your heart
and reveal to you your own beauty,
a beauty that you have lost sight of,
but which will become visible to you again in the light of my mercy.

Come, come, let me wipe your tears,
and let my mouth come close to your ear and say to you,
'I love you, I love you, I love you.'"

Day 17

Today I took Robert and Taylor on a hike to Romero Pools in Catalina State Park just a few miles from home. It was cool and cloudy, with quite a bit of water in the pools, along the trail, and running down the mountains. The wash just past the trailhead was flowing pretty good, so we waded across barefoot. We rested and ate lunch at the pools, just enjoying the mountains and the water flowing all around us. This was only the second time I'd hiked here, and I was amazed again at the diversity of landscapes in Arizona.

Everything was going great until the last mile on the way back. Then, out of nowhere, like a Ninja, this tree stump jumped up from the middle of the trail and planted itself squarely into my right knee!

Ouch.

So now I have a little less blood and skin around my knee, but it provided a great excuse to let Robert drive home. He got his permit on Tuesday, so he didn't need much convincing. (He's doing great, by the way.)

But the hike was a lot of fun, and it gave me a chance to clear my head. I'll post a couple of pictures later...

Day 16

As I said in my post before Ash Wednesday, I did not grow up in a faith tradition that observed Lent. I had always considered Lent a "Catholic" thing that had something to do with giving up something and not eating meat.

As my horizons have broadened over the years, I have come to a better appreciation of the liturgical year - or rather, of the liturgical rhythm of the Church. Still, over these past couple of weeks, I have struggled with just what this season really means for me.

My church community decided to give up suffering and sacrifice and turn Lent upside-down by devoting the entire season to celebration. That struck me as a little odd, even though the past two weekends have been huge celebrations (the wedding and 75th birthday) for my family. So, that has only confused me even more about the significance of this season.

Also, as I said in that same first post, I have been really struggling over a decision. This is not a huge life decision (like moving or leaving my wife or anything like that), but it will affect how I spend my days. It has been very hard and has become quite the unhealthy obsession, with constant "what-ifs" and lists of pros and cons filling my thoughts. But tonight, as I sat outside in the cool air, listening to the waterfall gurgle and watching a lone candle burn, I believe I reached a resolution.

It's the decision I have always known was coming, but just couldn't fully bring myself to the final point. But as I formulated what I would say and how I would say it, I did feel some level of inner peace about it. It was very brief, though, as my mind quickly went back to its mental gymnastics. But, it was there nonetheless. I think part of the peace came as I realized (again) that I need to make some confessions and ask for forgiveness along the way. So assuming I don't chicken out before tomorrow morning, my decision will be public. Once I've talked with a few people, I will post some details here about it.

I'm still not sure yet what Lent means for me this year. But, as usual, Nouwen has put words to the meaning of Lent that is meaningful for me. This quote is from Sabbatical Journey:

Lent is a time of returning to God.

It is a time to confess how we keep looking for joy, peace, and satisfaction in the many people and things surrounding us, without really finding what we desire.

Only God can give us what we want.

So we must be reconciled with God, as Paul says, and let that reconciliation be the basis of our relationships with others.

Lent is a time of refocusing,
of re-entering the place of truth,
of reclaiming our true identity.

Amen.

Day 15

A prayer from Henri Nouwen:

O Lord Jesus,
you who came to us
to show the compassionate love of your Father,
make your people know this love
with their hearts, minds, and souls.

And to me, O Lord, your stumbling friend,
show your mercy.
Amen.

Day 14 - Part 2

I can't believe we're almost done with the second quarter of Greek...only two more classes and a final.

Since our professor, Dane, missed the Fuller Southwest Professor Appreciation Lunch in Phoenix last week, we did our own little appreciation for him tonight. (Thanks Cindy!) It's been really nice with just four of us working through Greek with him. We've become a close little community, sharing struggles and successes, dreams and fears, and even a few tears. Dane is really terrific, and ministers to us in more ways than one. He truly has a pastor's heart, and I've grown to love the time we all share together.

Day 14 - Part 1

Why do Girl Scout cookies always show up during Lent?

Don't they know?

Someone really needs to talk to them about this.

(I want one so bad...

just one...

one thin mint...

crunchy...

minty...

I don't even like mint...)

Day 13

From today's reading on compassion from Nouwen:

Jesus' command, "Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate," (Luke 6:36-37) is a command to participate in the compassion of God himself. He requires us to unmask the illusion of our competitive selfhood, to give up clinging to our imaginary distinctions as sources of identity, and to be taken up into the same intimacy with God which he himself knows.

This is the mystery of the Christian life: to receive a new self, a new identity, which depends not on what we can achieve, but on what we are willing to receive.

This new self is our participation in the divine life in and through Christ.

...

Compassion asks us to go where it hurts,
to enter into places of pain,
to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish.

Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery,
to mourn with those who are lonely,
to weep with those in tears.

Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak,
vulnerable with the vulnerable, and
powerless with the powerless.

Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human...

In other words, compassion means being fully present to others. Compassion means that we walk with people, wherever they are, through whatever they face, seeking God in every step along the way. Sometimes all we need is someone beside us, someone to listen, someone to just be with us. Not to advise, not to correct, not to solve anything. Just...to be.

I think this is what the Old Testament book of Lamentations teaches us. Besides reading the text itself, if you want to read an excellent companion to the poems, I highly recommend this book: Lamentations and the Tears of the World by Kathleen O'Connor. Read it for yourself - read it for those around you. You won't regret it.

Day 12 - Second Sunday in Lent

Today was a day of Greek 2nd aorist verb forms, bookended by a home-cooked birthday breakfast for Dad and a birthday dinner for Dad at PF Chang's. Yum.

And so ends Dad's birthday celebration weekend. I think he enjoyed it all.

Mardie and Mona head for home tomorrow, but not before Mona and I can have some good Sonoran Mexican food down by my work - maybe a little carne asada or a little machaca. Double-yum...

Day 11

This was a wonderful day of great surprises! First, Mardie drove down yesterday from Salt Lake City to surprise my sister, Mona, who was flying in to surprise our dad for his birthday. So when Mona got off the plane this morning, Mardie was there instead of me to pick her up. Surprise #1 - success! She was thrilled! They came back to our house for a few minutes, and then went to Mom and Dad's for the really big surprise. Surprise #2 - success! We finished the photo album today, put it all together, and presented it to Dad tonight after dinner at our house. Surprise #3 - success!

It was a wonderfully fun day, filled with lots of laughter and happiness. Even all three dogs got along well! Tonight, looking through all of those photos tracing my father's life, was truly a holy moment. God was near and celebrating with us. We ate and drank and laughed and cried and laughed some more. It was beautiful, and a night none of us will ever forget. Thank you, God.

Day 10

This weekend we will celebrate my dad's 75th birthday! His birthday is Monday, but my sister is flying in from San Antonio to surprise him so we're just going to make it a birthday weekend. We (meaning Kim mostly) have been working on a life photo album for him, with pictures back to when he was just a baby until now. I think it's going to be very cool, but for now we have to get the pictures finished and the pages printed...

Day 9

In yesterday's reading in Show Me the Way by Nouwen, he wrote of the power of what happens in our lives when we have those clear moments of realization that God exists. When we can say that with every ounce of our being, we move the spotlight from ourselves and onto God. No longer are we the center of existence - God is. Nouwen calls these moments life-converting experiences, and describes the converted person like this:

The converted person does not say that nothing matters any more, but that everything that is happens in God and that he is the dwelling place where we come to know the true order of things.

Instead of saying, "Nothing matters any more, since I know that God exists," the converted person says: "All is now clothed in divine light and therefore nothing can be unimportant."

The converted person sees, hears, and understands with a divine eye, a divine ear, a divine heart.

The converted person knows himself or herself and all the world in God.

The converted person is where God is, and from that place everything matters: giving water, clothing the naked, working for a new world order, saying a prayer, smiling at a child, reading a book, and sleeping in peace.

All has become different while all remains the same.

All has become different while all remains the same.

Day 8

So, here is a question for you: how many coincidences have to occur in a day before you decide they are not coincidences at all?

If you have some pressing issue or question or decision to make, and you are seeking God's guidance and direction about it, and then a string of things occur which seem to be pointing you to a resolution, when do you concede that maybe God is answering and these are not just coincidences?

This has happened to me twice - last Wednesday and today.

It's like the story about a man whose town started to flood. A neighbor came by in a big truck and asked if he wanted to evacuate with him, and the man answered, "God will save me." The water began to fill his house, so he went to the second floor. Then another neighbor came by in a boat and asked that the man come with him and evacuate. The man smiled and answered, "God will save me." When the water reached the second floor, the man climbed to his roof. When a helicopter came and the pilot begged the man to climb aboard and be saved, the man only answered, "God will save me." Well, sure enough, the man drowned, and upon meeting God in heaven, he asked, "God, what happened? Why didn't you save me?" And God answered, "I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

What more do I want?

Day 7

(heavy sigh)

I'm tired. I'm cranky.
I just want a good night's sleep.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

I'm weary, I want to go to Him, and find some rest...

Day 6

Today we flew home from Las Vegas to cap off a great weekend. We're all a little tired, but otherwise filled with a sense of joy and gratitude.

Yesterday's reading from Nouwen addressed something that I've always struggled with a little. In Matthew 22 when Jesus told the expert in the law that the greatest commandment was to love God and the second was to love your neighbor as yourself, I've always wondered just how we are supposed to do that. Especially when I think of my marriage to Kim, I can easily say that I love her with all my heart. And I've always justified this as being a different kind of love. The love I have for God is not the same kind of love I have for Kim or for my kids or the rest of my family or my friends. Is that right?

But here is what Nouwen writes about loving God first (emphasis is mine):

We must continually remind ourselves that the first commandment requiring us to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind is indeed the first.

I wonder if we really believe this.

It seems that in fact we live as if we should give as much of our heart, soul, and mind as possible to our fellow human beings, while trying hard not to forget God. At least we feel that our attention should be divided evenly between God and our neighbor.

But Jesus' claim is much more radical.

He asks for a single-minded commitment to God and God alone. God wants all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our soul.

It is this unconditional and unreserved love for God that leads to the care for our neighbor, not as an activity which distracts us from God or competes with our attention to God, but as an expression of our love for God who reveals himself to us as the God of all people.

It is in God that we find our neighbors and discover our responsibility to them.

We might even say that only in God does our neighbor become a neighbor rather than an infringement upon our autonomy, and that only in and through God does service become possible.

Thank you Henri and thank you God...

Day 5 - First Sunday in Lent

Today was the wedding, and it was absolutely beautiful. After a bonehead computer mistake and the induced stress from that, I finished preparing for the cermony at around 2:00 and we met up with Brian, Jo, her son Thomas, and her mom Lucia. Brian discovered that marriage ceremonies in Las Vegas public parks cost money (only in Vegas, I guess), so it was recommended to him that we go to Red Rock Canyon, about 30 minutes outside of the city. That was a great recommendation! We parked on the side of the road which meandered through the national conservation area, walked down a small incline to where the red rocks served as our backdrop, and they said their vows as the sun set behind the mountains! Afterwards, Brian and Jo treated us all to a fantastic dinner at Tableau in the Wynn. It was a wonderful day, and we could not be happier for them. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the first Sunday in Lent than this. Thank you, God, for this day.

Day 4

Tonight we are in Las Vegas, checked in to our Worldmark timeshare. We spoke to Jo and Brian earlier (the bride and groom) about tomorrow, and they seem pretty much ready to go. And, Brian asked me to perform a second ceremony (after the official one) for them at a nearby park. How cool is that?

We were planning to go up to the strip tonight, but there was an incident on the way to the shuttle. It involved Robert, his right flip-flop, and a bush. You'll just have to ask him about it...but we didn't make it to the shuttle...

Day 3

Today indeed was a welcome rest. The weather was beautiful, picture-perfect really. I went for a nice, long walk this morning, and then ran a couple of minor errands. Next stop was Starbucks for a grande non-fat chai and a little work on Greek imperfect indicative verb forms, sitting outside of course. My wife and I then went to lunch together to Chopped, which was fantastic! That is a definite do-over. We headed home, wrapped up some chores, visited my parents, and just finished packing for our trip tomorrow. It was a good day - the first one this week.

Today's reading from Nouwen ended with Psalm 63:1-8, a very appropriate psalm for this season:

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

Day 2

I feel very drained after the past few days. But tomorrow is my day off, so I'm hoping I can rest and regroup before Saturday when we leave for Vegas for my brother-in-law's wedding. That will be a fun weekend, and a nice break.

The reading for today from Show Me the Way highlighted something I have not been doing well lately: living in gratitude. Here is what Nouwen has to say:

A life of faith is a life of gratitude - it means a life in which I am willing to experience my complete dependence upon God and to praise and thank him unceasingly for the gift of being. A truly eucharistic life means always saying thanks to God, always praising God, and always being more surprised by the abundance of God's goodness and love.

God, please replace my bitterness with gratitude, my frustration with thanksgiving, my fear with trust.

Day 1 - Ash Wednesday

And so this journey begins...

It strikes me as ironic and fitting that this Ash Wednesday and beginning of Lent falls in the middle of a bad week for me so far. Thus, I didn't have much difficulty praying today. I was very distracted for most of the day, and thankful that work was a "turn the crank" kind of day where I didn't have to expend a lot of mental energy. My fingers typed and my mind wandered, turning things over and over. I found myself walking the halls several times, seeking God and His wisdom. Actually, it was more like begging than seeking.

Begging,
pleading,
longing,
and waiting.

And waiting.

God forgive us, for we know not what we do.
Hear my cry, O God, and have mercy on us.

Ash Wednesday is Feb 6

Even though I have not grown up in a faith tradition that observes Lent, I am trying to gain a better appreciation for this season leading up to Easter. As I did with Advent in December, I want to again force myself to slow down and be more reflective of life all around me that is filled with the presence of God.

I also need to give some deeper consideration to a decision that I've been struggling over. Yesterday morning almost pushed me over the edge. But I have come to understand that I make better decisions when I'm not in the emotion of the moment.

I hope and pray that over these next few weeks I can find some peace about this situation and the courage to walk toward it. Again, I am looking to Henri Nouwen to walk with me through this time. I will be reading Show Me the Way, a collection of his writings arranged in daily readings beginning on Ash Wednesday and concluding on Easter. I will attempt to blog daily through this time, highlighting Nouwen's writings and any insight I can gain from them.

I'm also going to use this time to try to get my ever-increasing midsection under control. This part, you must understand, is extremely difficult for me. It never used to be - which makes it just that much harder! But, it must be done, and this seems an appropriate time to begin. My plan is to restrict myself to meat, dairy, vegetables, and fruit. Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Gee, Myles, don't put yourself out!" But you must also understand that today I mostly live on carbs. In fact, I love carbs. Carbs are my life. So, this will be hard. In fact, don't be surprised if my daily blog is a simple love poem to a bagel. (Except that I'm not really a poet.) But you know what I mean.

Only one more day of carbs...