My head is a mess

I've been a little nostalgic over the past few days with a swirl of thoughts tumbling in my head. I'm not being overly wishful for "the good ole days" - just watching more than a few things coming to an end. I'm realizing more and more each day that my kids are not kids anymore. How did this happen? My son is driving, for goodness sake! And, he's driving really well! My daughter continues to "mature" physically, even though she's not emotionally ready for all that comes with that. And I just grounded her for the rest of the school year and took her cell phone away indefinitely because of a very serious lie she told her mother today. I remember when a 10-minute timeout in the corner was punishment enough. Not anymore...

Last Friday night about 10:00pm, I sat in the car in our church parking lot waiting for my son to come back from a wild night of dodgeball at another church. As I sat there in the dark with John Mayer singing in the background, I was overcome with memories and flashbacks from the past 10 years in that church.

I remembered many of the friends we've made, and many of the people who have left. I remembered when we built our worship center - debt free. I remembered when cars would drive in on Sunday mornings and then drive out because they couldn't find a parking place. I remembered when we had enough students where we could have hosted our own wild dodgeball party. I remembered the first Sunday we went, and the first couple we met. I remembered when Robert was baptized there. And then Carolyn. I remembered my first Sunday teaching. And I remembered my last Sunday teaching.

Now, there are weeds growing up between the cracks in both parking lots. Now, we're lucky if the front lot fills up on Sunday morning. Now, we're lucky if Robert and Carolyn aren't the only students on a Sunday morning. We keep saying that we're a "new community." But I'm not really sure who we are anymore.

I've certainly changed a lot over these years, too. I no longer believe that big worship centers and overflowing parking lots necessarily make a great church. I think a great church is made of people who are completely devoted to loving God and loving their neighbors. I think a church can be any size and shape, as long as there are devoted followers of Christ living out their faith together in their everyday lives and working toward the mission that God has put before them.

Last night, eight of us in our small group sat around a patio table in a backyard and ate a great meal together. We laughed, we disagreed, and we shared struggles with real issues in our families and faith. Our kids played together. We shared communion together. We prayed together. It was good. Some of us have been together for years. We've watched couples become families with little ones who aren't so little anymore. Now we babysit for each other. Some of us work together. Some of us play together. I love those people. That's my community. And you know what? That's "church" for me.