Tired and frustrated

The screen hasn't changed any from last Tuesday. My research paper is still "yet to come." And I'm tired. I got home late Thursday night (again) from working in LA (again). Had class on Friday night and Saturday morning. Went to the UofA football game Saturday night. Good game but Arizona lost it in the closing minutes. Bummer...


And then we had an important meeting after our church service this morning. With our continuing financial difficulties, our leadership team has proposed that we sell our campus. This was not a complete surprise, but it's real now. Several people asked good questions about what this will mean - and nobody really knows yet. In two weeks, we'll have the official vote on whether to move forward with selling. There is no buyer yet (not the best time to try to sell anything), but the location is pretty great. And you know what they say about real estate: location, location, location! So I don't expect we'll have much difficulty once we get serious about it.

Then what?

I don't really know. I've been a proponent for selling in the past. I hate the idea of those buildings (as with most other churches) sitting idle for most of the week. Seems like such a waste. But if this is just a move to continue to be an institutional church in a different location, then will it really be any different? Our two senior leaders talked this morning about the mentality of being a start-up. And there's validity in that. But I have to wonder if our core group is really a start-up core group. We were part of a church for a while that met in a movie theater. Setting up and tearing down every Sunday morning provided a good community-building opportunity. There was a lot of energy there. I haven't really felt that in our community in a long time. I guess time will tell...

So needless to say, I have some doubts. Certainly the sale will create a lot of startup capital. But what will be the plan to maximize that capital? Will we function differently as a startup in a school auditorium or a community center or a theater? How many more people will we lose as a result of this? How many will we gain? Is this truly the path God has set before us? So many questions...

Lots of memories there. My kids were baptized there. I taught my first Sunday there. My first ministry "job" was there. My wife worked there for 5 years. Even though philosophically I agree with selling a campus we can no longer afford to maintain, this will be yet another hard transition. My wife said this morning during the meeting, fighting back some tears, that we all need to remember that church is the people, not the buildings. I couldn't agree more, but it's still hard.

Ironic timing, too. The first Sunday of Advent is next Sunday. And again, we wait for God to do something remarkable in our midst.

The Forgotten Ways - Part 3

The second element of mDNA that Hirsch describes in The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church was a little surprising and unexpected for me, but it makes perfect sense. That element is disciple-making. Immediately behind the first element of being firmly centered on Christ (christocentric monotheism) is the focus on discipleship. Without this, everything else teeters on failure. In fact, Hirsch cites a painful story from his past about what happened in a previous church when they neglected discipleship.

According to Hirsch, one of the biggest obstacles to true discipleship is the consumer mentality prevalent in the Western world today. It has invaded all arenas of life, including the church. He writes,

Ninety percent or more of the people who attend our services are passive. In other words, they are consumptive. They are the passive recipients of the religious goods and services being delivered largely by professionals in a slick presentation and service. Just about everything we do in these somwhat standardized services and "box churchs," we do in order to attract more participants, and to do this we need to make the experience of church more convenient and comfortable. It is the ultimate religious version of one-stop shopping - hassle-free. But alas, all we are achieving by doing this is adding more fuel to the insatiable consumerist flame.

- Hirsch, 110.

These words sound a little harsh to me, and I'm guessing his 90% figure is a guess based on his experience and not hard data, but I think he is making a valid point in general.

I had a great conversation this past week with a friend about church gatherings. If "the church" is a missional community, or even a collective of missional communities, then what should gatherings look like or be about? Corporate worship, mutual encouragement, sharing, teaching? I think this is a big question for missional churches today. In other words, how can a missional church still gather together regularly (although not necessarily weekly) and yet keep the focus and emphasis on its mission and not the gathering? Because once the gathering becomes the focus, we are back in the attractional paradigm.

Hirsch would say (I think) that we must maintain an emphasis on discipleship - discipleship that follows the model that Jesus gave us. He continues by saying,

And this is exactly how Jesus does discipleship: he organizes it around mission. As soon as they are called, he takes the disciples on an adventurous journey of mission, ministry, and learning. Straightaway they are involved in proclaiming the kingdom of God, serving the poor, healing, and casting out demons. It is active and direct disciple making in the context of mission.

- Hirsch, 120

Hirsch is convinced we cannot disciple people or become disciples ourselves by passive listening and learning. We must be engaged in the process, actively working out what it means to follow Jesus as his disciples in everyday life. "I simply do not believe we can continue to try and think our way into a new way of acting, but rather, we need to act our way into a new way of thinking" (p. 122).

The Forgotten Ways - Part 2

A while back, I mentioned that I had started reading The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church by Alan Hirsch. Well, I'm finally getting back around to trying to finish it after many diversions over the past month or so. My neglect in finishing it certainly has nothing to do with the book - it's a phenomenal read. Which is why I wanted to say a little more about it here.

In section 2 (the main part of the book), Hirsch tackles in more detail what he believes is the engine behind some of the tremendous Jesus movements throughout history. Through his research, he has identified six elements that are common in these movements - what he calls the missionalDNA (mDNA) that is inherently present within the church. The full aggregation of mDNA composes what he calls Apostolic Genius, the "phenomenon resulting from...real experiences of God, types of expression, organizational structures, leadership ethos, spiritual power, mode of belief, etc" (pg 78). But before he gets too far, he spends a little time talking about what he means exactly by the term missional. While recognizing that mission and missional have been somewhat overused and misused, he can't seem to bring himself to simply dismissing the terms in the hopes of better descriptors. Instead, he wants to readdress them and pack them with deeper meaning. He says,

...in my opinion it [the term missional] goes to the heart of the very nature and purpose of the church itself. So, a working definition of missional church is a community of God's people that defines itself, and organizes its life around, its real purpose of being an agent of God's mission to the world. In other words, the church's true and authentic organizing principle is mission.

- Hirsch, 82 (emphasis mine)

Then he sets out to describe those six common elements present in mDNA. The first is what he calls a christocentric monotheism - expressed simply in the statement, "Jesus is Lord." In other words, whatever form a church takes, this is the foundation - the heart of the matter. A church can never become that agent of God's mission to the world without first and foremost being centered on Christ. Hirsch writes,

What does all this practically mean for those seeking to recover Apostolic Genius in the life of the community of God? For one, it will involve (re)engaging directly the central confession of "Jesus is Lord" and attempting to reorient the church around this life-orienting claim...I have become absolutely convinced that it is Christology, and in particular the primitive, unencumbered Christology of the NT church, that lies at the heart of the renewal of the church at all times and in every age.

- Hirsch, 99

I couldn't agree more. More to come in future posts...

The Challenge of Large Churches

This is a great post about some of the pitfalls of large churches...it's a little long but worth it. Thanks Len!

Unexpected divergence

I realized something this morning as I was walking. It seems like the closer I get to God these days, the farther away I feel from my church. What is up with that?

Certainly it's a combination of internal changes in my own heart plus changes in our community. Here's one very recent example. Last Sunday, about 15 minutes before the service began and I was to speak, I heard something which really caught me off-guard. I pushed it aside in the moment to focus on the service, but that afternoon it resurfaced in my mind and turned me a little upside-down. Then I had lunch with one of our two senior pastors on Monday to make sure I had heard correctly and, if so, to express my concern. And, yes, I heard correctly. And, no, nothing would likely be done about it. And, yes, it's a big deal for me. He understood my concern and validated my feelings about it. Then we talked about living in that kind of tension when we don't agree with each other or decisions that are made. And about how that is one of the things we are striving for in our church. Living in the tension. Even if it's over values - not just theology or philosophy or ministry.

Ok, so pause that for a minute and let's go back to the whole missional/attractional church thing. Our church is very much an attractional church - meaning, we put a lot of energy into trying to get people to come to our Sunday morning service. In fact, I would say that most of our resources (time, money, effort) go towards pulling off a great Sunday service. And often we do. Beyond that, we offer serving opportunities for people to get involved either in our church or in the broader Tucson community. But that is sparse, at best. Now please don't hear me wrong. I am not bashing the attractional church paradigm. I grew up in this paradigm!

In a missional church, though, service to the community is not a ministry of the church or a program of the church. It is the church. Everything is focused and expressed through being a missional movement in the larger community. Emphasis is placed on the church going out instead of trying to get others to come in. In my opinion, the two paradigms are 180 degrees apart. And for me, as I've said before, I'm having more and more difficulty seeing church any other way than as a missional movement of people loving God and loving their neighbors.

So as I wonder what that kind of missional church might look like and how it would operate, I often struggle with what church gatherings should be. Should a missional church still meet every Sunday? And if so, for what purpose? And I often think that, for a missional church that is living, working, and playing in it's mission field, a regular gathering should be a type of break or time-out. It should be a time of refreshment, encouragement, rest. A time when we would come together to talk, laugh, cry, share, support, reflect, celebrate and get ready for whatever comes next. But a time of tension? No, I don't think so. There's already enough tension in life. Tension at work, at home, at school, and in relationships. Tension caused by hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, sickness, and death.

As I think about my church trying to foster an environment of differences, to celebrate those differences, and to live in the tension of disagreements - even over big things - I'm beginning to ask myself this simple question: Why? For what purpose?

Again, please don't hear something I'm not saying. I'm not saying we should be a Stepford church where everybody acts the same, thinks the same, or does the same thing. How boring would that be? There will always be differences. But, shouldn't there be some common ground, some common values, some common mission that brings us together and moves us forward?

When I consider what areas in my life are causing me the most stress, the most tension, the answer is clear: my church. How do I celebrate that? What am I missing in all of this?

Made it through

The service went well this morning. I don't want to say anything about riding a bicycle because that would sound very cliche-ish. But, I was relaxed and only had to refer to my notes a handful of times (I've been working on reducing my dependence on my notes.) Thank you, God.

However, I need to think a lot (still) about doing this again. I really struggled with getting this ready. Not because of the subject, but because of changes internally. I love talking about the Psalms, especially about praying the psalms. But my motivation level to prepare a sermon was pretty low, and I had over a month to prepare! Therefore, it was not very sermon-like. I'm just not sure anymore if this is what I should be doing, or if this is where I should be doing it - whatever "it" is.

In the meantime, I feel closer to God than I have in a long time. My morning walks (almost every day now, interspersed with some jogging) have become very special times. I'm reading The Divine Hours every morning and evening and praying the psalms. I have begun to look forward to these times of walking and praying much more than I would have ever anticipated. They are definitely putting me in a place where God can transform me, as Richard Foster writes.

I have no idea where God is leading me through all of this, but that's ok.

I'll find out along the way...

Catching up

A lot has been happening lately, and, in all honesty, I just haven't felt like taking the time to write. But the mood hit me tonight, so here's a recap of the past several days.

Mom spent a couple of days in the hospital this past weekend. She had some sort of intestinal issue which really knocked her down. But she came home Monday and is doing much better.

Besides that, our long holiday weekend was good. On Friday I purchased the most awesome car stereo in the world for my zoom-zoom! It plays MP3/WMA CDs, and has an aux port for MP3 players, built-in iPod controls, and a USB port. So for $30, I bought an 8GB thumb drive and now I can listen to pretty much my entire library of music in the car! (This was an early birthday present for me after my factory car stereo decided to eat a CD on Thursday.)

Kim and I almost made it to the first Arizona football game of the season on Saturday. After the game was delayed for an hour due to lightning, and then the call from Mom at urgent care, we called it a night. Arizona won 70-0 over Idaho, so it wasn't much of a game anyway. Yeah, 70 to nothing!

We spent Sunday afternoon with our best friends at their house, eating, drinking, and watching our kids play. It was great fun and very relaxing.

I've been busy preparing to speak this Sunday at church. I'm going to talk about praying the Psalms (a favorite subject of mine) while praying that God will give me the words to say! It's been almost two years since I taught, and I've had more than a little difficulty preparing for this one. In hindsight, I was not ready to do this again, given everything that has happened in these two years and where my journey is taking me. But, by God's grace, we'll make it through.

Now it's time to try to catch up on some sleep...

Surprised and Forgotten

One of the advantages of not taking a class this summer was getting to choose which books I would read. I finished a really good one this past Saturday and started one yesterday which may end up on my best list.

The book I just finished is Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright. This is the fourth book of Wright's that I have read and he has quickly become one of my favorite theologians and authors. This particular book (with the subtitle Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church) was much more than I expected, even though much of this material Wright (by his own admission) has written about in other books in more detail.

One of the things I loved about Wright in this work was his continual reference to Scripture. I don't mean he quotes verses in every paragraph. Instead, he lays out different historical perspectives and beliefs on heaven, resurrection, and mission. Then, he will say something like, "Now let's go see what the bible actually says." Sure, he's coming at Scripture from a certain perspective - just like the rest of us. But he makes some very compelling arguments based on how he reads the bible. It was challenging, fascinating, and inspiring. If you really want to be surprised by hope, read this book!

The book I just started is The Forgotten Ways: Reactivating the Missional Church by Alan Hirsch. Hirsch is one of the leaders in the emerging missional church (EMC) movement today. The first book of his that I read was The Shaping of Things to Come: Mission and Innovation for the 21st Century Church, co-written with Michael Frost (Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture), and it sits on my all-time best list. That first book, combined with some Fuller classes at the time and personal experiences over the years, ignited a passion in me to be part of a missional community. As I've said in other posts, with each passing day I have a harder time envisioning "church" in any other way. This is a growing challenge for me in my current non-missional church, but I digress...

I'm only about 70 pages into it so far, but already several things stand out. Hirsch poses a question near the beginning of the book which drove much of his content. He points out that around AD 100, there were as few as 25,000 Christians. Merely 200 years later, before Constantine declared Christianity as the religion of the Roman Empire, that number had grown to something like 20 million. So his question is simple: how did they do that? I expect much of the book will be trying to answer that question.

Another thing that caught my attention was a footnote on page 45, where he is writing about the decline of the Western church. He writes, "In fact, the church is on the decline right across the Western world, and we have had at least forty years of church-growth principles and practice." The footnote then explains:

In a dialogue between Michael Frost, many members of the faculty of Fuller's School of World Missions, and me, it was generally acknowledged by all there that church growth theory had, by and large, failed to reverse the church's decline in America and was therefore something of a failed experiment. The fact remains that more than four decades of church growth principles and practice has not halted the decline of the church in Western contexts.

As a Fuller student, I was pleased to read this. I was a little surprised, also, because Fuller has emphasized church growth and missions for a long time. But I was happy to read that at least some at Fuller are recognizing that perhaps we need something new.

More to come from this book...

Missional vs. Emerging

Recently there has been a lot of conversation around the topic of missional vs. emergent/ing churches. A missional synchroblog was hosted last month by The Blind Beggar, which triggered many great posts and discussions about the differences between what people consider to be missional communities and the emerging church. I have only barely started reading some of the posts, but I would encourage anyone who feels part of either or both, or if you're just curious about what all the fuss is about, to spend some time reading these. Start here and follow the links.

In particular, I wanted to re-post part of Alan Hirsch's contribution to the conversation. In this post, he describes his view of being missional, taken from his recent book, The Forgotten Ways:

Missional church is a community of God’s people that defines itself, and organizes its life around, its real purpose of being an agent of God’s mission to the world. In other words, the church’s true and authentic organizing principle is mission. When the church is in mission, it is the true church. The church itself is not only a product of that mission but is obligated and destined to extend it by whatever means possible. The mission of God flows directly through every believer and every community of faith that adheres to Jesus. To obstruct this is to block God’s purposes in and through his people. [82]

He continues by writing:

In my opinion what is expressed through Emergent, the Alt-Worship movement, and what has been called Post-Evangelicalism, is not by-and-large a missionary movement, but is rather what I would call a renewal movement. That is, as far as I can discern, its primary concerns lie largely in interpreting theology and worship for the post-modern situation.

I think he is absolutely right on. Thank you, Alan, for stating so succinctly what (I believe) is the key aspect of being "missional" and the main difference between "missional" and "emerging." I am reminded of the quote from Alan's and Michael Frost's book, The Shaping of Things to Come:

Christology determines missiology, and missiology determines ecclesiology. (p. 16)

The more I read, the more I pray, the more I search for direction from God, the clearer and clearer this becomes to me. Perhaps that is why Exiles, Frost's latest book, seemed to capture my current place on my journey so well...

Pentecost

Jesus speaking to his disciples on his last night with them: "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:15-18, NIV)

Speaking of the disciples in Jerusalem: When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. (Acts 2:1-4, NIV)

Wow. It's good to go back over stories like this as days, like Pentecost, come throughout the year, marking key moments in the history of the church. For some of us, we've heard or read the story so many times that it's easy for it to fly right past us without any sort of awe-inspiring questions like, "Is that what really happened?" I mean, seriously, did some sort of ancient whirlwind invade this house and enable a group of people to begin speaking in other languages? In one sense, that sounds crazy. Maybe they had been drinking (the accusation comes a few verses later). Maybe it was a dust devil that blew sand and dust in their mouths causing them to slur their words. Or maybe it was exactly as Luke described it - an incredible display of God's power filling them with the Holy Spirit promised by Jesus the night before he died. In any case, it must have been something quite amazing to the disciples. So amazing, in fact, that immediately following this, Peter stands up, gives a sermon to be recorded for all time, and we witness the beginning of the church:

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47, NIV)

Wow. So whatever it was that did happen motivated these people to begin a radically new way of life together.

Crazy? Maybe.

Amazing? Absolutely.

My head is a mess

I've been a little nostalgic over the past few days with a swirl of thoughts tumbling in my head. I'm not being overly wishful for "the good ole days" - just watching more than a few things coming to an end. I'm realizing more and more each day that my kids are not kids anymore. How did this happen? My son is driving, for goodness sake! And, he's driving really well! My daughter continues to "mature" physically, even though she's not emotionally ready for all that comes with that. And I just grounded her for the rest of the school year and took her cell phone away indefinitely because of a very serious lie she told her mother today. I remember when a 10-minute timeout in the corner was punishment enough. Not anymore...

Last Friday night about 10:00pm, I sat in the car in our church parking lot waiting for my son to come back from a wild night of dodgeball at another church. As I sat there in the dark with John Mayer singing in the background, I was overcome with memories and flashbacks from the past 10 years in that church.

I remembered many of the friends we've made, and many of the people who have left. I remembered when we built our worship center - debt free. I remembered when cars would drive in on Sunday mornings and then drive out because they couldn't find a parking place. I remembered when we had enough students where we could have hosted our own wild dodgeball party. I remembered the first Sunday we went, and the first couple we met. I remembered when Robert was baptized there. And then Carolyn. I remembered my first Sunday teaching. And I remembered my last Sunday teaching.

Now, there are weeds growing up between the cracks in both parking lots. Now, we're lucky if the front lot fills up on Sunday morning. Now, we're lucky if Robert and Carolyn aren't the only students on a Sunday morning. We keep saying that we're a "new community." But I'm not really sure who we are anymore.

I've certainly changed a lot over these years, too. I no longer believe that big worship centers and overflowing parking lots necessarily make a great church. I think a great church is made of people who are completely devoted to loving God and loving their neighbors. I think a church can be any size and shape, as long as there are devoted followers of Christ living out their faith together in their everyday lives and working toward the mission that God has put before them.

Last night, eight of us in our small group sat around a patio table in a backyard and ate a great meal together. We laughed, we disagreed, and we shared struggles with real issues in our families and faith. Our kids played together. We shared communion together. We prayed together. It was good. Some of us have been together for years. We've watched couples become families with little ones who aren't so little anymore. Now we babysit for each other. Some of us work together. Some of us play together. I love those people. That's my community. And you know what? That's "church" for me.

Day 22 - The Decision

Last Thursday, I wrote about coming to some resolution regarding the decision that I have been contemplating for several months now. The decision was whether or not to remain on staff at my church. Kevin and I had a really good talk on Friday morning, and Dave and I spoke this morning which was really good as well. So, after speaking with them and my tech team, I sent the following message tonight to the rest of the staff:

I wanted to let you all know that I have decided to take a break from my staff role at aldea for an indefinite period of time. I have been working in the tech booth since we moved into the building, and really need to step away for a while and rest.

I plan to continue to support the development of the aldea website, and the current tech team will assume some of my other responsibilities. This Sunday, March 2, will be my last Sunday in the tech booth, but I will support them as much as they need through this transition.

As our community continues to evolve and develop over the coming months, something new may emerge which would offer me an opportunity to return to the staff. In the meantime, I look forward to continuing to be part of the aldea community.

As each day passes, I feel better and better about having made the right decision. And, I am beginning to sense a growing anticipation for what God has in mind for me next. But for now, I am at peace and looking forward to simply resting...

Thinking about the missional church...

I've been thinking again recently about what it means to be a missional church - a sent church. When I first started hearing about and reading about missional churches, something struck me deep in my soul. Perhaps I'm being simplistic or idealistic, but I cannot see any other way of being the church. Check out this post on the Missional Church Network from Lois Barrett's book, Treasure in Clay Jars: Patterns in Missional Faithfulness -

A proper, biblical ecclesiology looks at everything the church is and does in relation to the mission of God in the world. The church does not exist for itself, but for participation in God’s mission of reconciliation. “Mission” is not just an activity carried out by special people in faraway places. Mission is the character of the church in whatever context it exists.

A missional church is a church that is shaped by participating in God’s mission, which is to set things right in a broken, sinful world, to redeem it, and to restore it to what God has always intended for the world. Missional churches see themselves not so much sending, as being sent. A missional congregation lets God’s mission permeate everything that the congregation does — from worship to witness to training members for discipleship. It bridges the gap between outreach and congregational life, since, in its life together, the church is to embody God’s mission.

See the entire post here

Enjoying each moment along the way

Our current Sunday morning series in my church is called Dream Makers. We have been discussing the essence of dreams, of God's whispering in our lives. This morning, Kevin said something which really struck me. He talked about how enduring simply means getting through something, like a trip to the dentist. Persevering, on the other hand, means not missing the moments along the way:

"The whole process of a dream being pursued, even the obstacles to overcome or the discouragements to get through, every piece of this moment to our dream being fully grown is a beautiful moment. And persevering means enjoying each moment along the way for what it is, celebrating each moment in each step, knowing that this is part of the dream. The pathway there is part of the dream."

Are there things in my life that I am merely enduring instead of persevering? Are these things getting in the way of my dreams?